Heaven be her name – The Story of Destiny

I keep thinking I’m making headway in this thing called life but then the waves come crashing down.

I come up for a breath, feeling the blessed air coming into my lungs, but there, again, the monster waves hit me, hard, pushing me to the bottom, scraping my body against the coral reef, where am I?

Nowhere, going fast, up one minute, kick to the face, down, counting, 1, 2, 3, do I wanna get up again or stay down for the count?

The bets are coming in, I’m staying down, but nope, my dumb ass gets back up.

Why?

I’m a winner!

I laugh at that, my inner demon does, I’m no winner, I’m a big fat loser!

I’m trying to stay alive, well enough, I think, until I look in the mirror, standing there, bloody, broken, ready to give in.

“I love you!” she, the one in my corner, even though I’m insane.

I keep going because and for her.

“What’s her name?”

Destiny.

Heaven be her name….

How I love thee, in a previous life even,
I whisper thy name during those times,
I think I can not go on,
There you are,
A shimmering light against the encroaching darkness…

The dragons invade my sleep, the crazy, hello insanity, you try to keep me sane, I am slipping into madness…..hello dear friend, how are you this fine and wonderful evening?

I am dead inside.

Opening old and new wounds!

What is reality?

A dream placed into real life?

Is that the definition?

Dear one, I shall keep walking till the end, tomorrow shall never come!

Can’t go home again

They say you can’t go home again, that time changes everything,
The life, the place you once knew is no longer the same.

Standing in the stream, waiting, eyes to the distant horizon, watching, hoping,That one day, it will come back to you, but the stream keeps moving forward, away,
And nothing stays the same.

What will happen, no one knows, the past is past; tomorrow never comes and all we have is today,
To feel; sadness, happiness, tears and laughter, standing there, watching the sky, intense blue.
Life goes on even when you don’t want to.

The hardness, the pain, lets us enjoy the light, the happiness that shall come someday, hopefully soon.
That which does not kill us, makes us stronger, so the old saying goes.
Some days, we feel like sitting down, never to arise again, to feel the hard ground, to grasp the dirt into our fingers, to close our eyes and never awake, last breath escaping from our lips, rise to Heaven, or fall to Hell.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The river moves onward and forward, as we should, in everything.  Those who have gone forth will be with us till the end of days, forever and ever, here in our heart, in our soul, and we keep on moving as they would want us to go forward, though, as has been said by better men than I, it can be hard, tempted to lie on comfortable grass and never rise again.

I keep moving, forward, onward, her in my heart, in my soul, the blue skies above me, high cliffs, so high they touch the sky, to my side, the lane moving forward, ever forward, the direction I shall go till the end.

 

ANOTHER POEM ABOUT LIFE AND STUFF

I walk through the darkness, eyes wide open, mouth singing songs never meant to sing.This is life, from the bottom up, down inside, over and out, life is about everything.
I awake, breathing, eyes wide open, once again, singing about life.

There is a road, leading up into the sky, to grasp the sky, to breathe the air free.
We are nothing, we are everything, this is it, eyes seeing, mind knowing.
We are everything, we see it all, ran to the end, walked till our feet bleed, we are we.

Were are you sister? Were are you brother?
Were are you my dear wife, gone to heaven forever and ever?

The body is dying, the soul is fleeing, this is the end, my only friend.
Where are you? Gone to battle, to find your meaning in life, to find that which means the most?

Money, sex, drugs, everything, nothing is worth the end of it all.
I shall meet you at the hill, the huge tree snaking its way over us, grasping us, holding us.

Death become us.

Where do we go?

Here?

There?

Everywhere?

I love you dearest one, till we meet again, I am here, there, everywhere.

Singing,

Laughing,

Running,

Falling,

I am alive, and well, breathing forever, till the end of time.

We shall become one with the alive.

 

THE MATRIX IS REAL —

THE MATRIX IS REAL – So reads the sign at the beginning of the Universe.

At the end, it reads, abandon all hope ye who enters here…

Except the e at the end has dropped off back in the early 70s, so now the sign reads, abandon all hope ye who enters her.

The old gods still snicker when they see it.

The city lights are low, barely see able, my eyes are mere slits as I move across the alley way.

This is the Matrix, Version 19.0.

The robots move through the air, looking for the humanoids, disconnected from the Matrix, but connected by the line that keeps me moving, sweeping the Net looking for the data, modifying it, recreating the illusion, night time into day, death into life.

The Matrix police scan for these changes, always looking, scanning the frequencies, looking for the small changes I dilute here and there.

The City is blight, dead stoners still jacking in and dropping in.

Dr. Timothy Leary would be proud, acid heads in the virtual world, skimming the data, looking for a sweet hit, this was the world meant to be, dry grey, changeable by a sweep of the hand, William Gibson Neuromancer, the sky was gray, the color of a TV off a station and I was flying through it all.

Godless angels worshiped the magic of information at 10,000 words a second.

I was sitting at the temple of the Net, the Matrix leader, Google to the oldbies now called, THE ONE. 

I searched the Net looking for my dead lover. She was still online, even though her meat flesh had died in 2012.

The Matrix came alive with the sounds of information, ones and zeroes, here, there and everywhere.

She had died, her soul was still hitting chat rooms, Dark Angel had talked to her last night.  It was a beautiful life, colors beyond colors.

I didn’t think I could catch her, but I kept trying, running through the Matrix, one step ahead of the Police.

“It’s a sin!” they would say, robotronic voice echoing through the net.

“Oh Father, forgive me, for I need to syn, through this Hell. I do not understand….” I prayed the Satanic prayer to the Net.

I wanted my lover back, even if just in Cyber form, I could talk to her, one more time, a kiss in virtual sin.

Vatican.com was pulling fast towards me. “This is not acceptable!! God does not forgive you!”

I did not care! I was there, with her, soft kisses, moving into sexual over drive, we twisted into each other. The Matrix became us…

Life in Complex Colors

Walking down the road, eyes to the ground, spirit to the Heavens,I keep moving and the breath still ushers forth, for I am alive,
Alive in this world, alive to see another day, another sunrise, sunset,
Walking forward and onward, feet to the ground, arms in the air,
This is life, perfect, not perfect, a great life in harmony of everything.

Life is moving, kissing, loving, seeing, hearing, back and forth, breath in, out,
Life is here, there, everything, nothing, the gaze of everyone from inside my head,
A kiss, loving in the fields of grass, embrace, night time, day time, every time, against the wind,
Moving forward through space, into blind open sight.

The time is near to contemplate everything, Gods listen as I scream into the dark,
Tears rolling down my eyes,
This is life,
Happiness,
Sadness,
Death and life, embrace into everything.

Good,
Bad,
Indifference,
Pain,
Ecstasy,
Everyone dies.
It’s okay…

THE END: RANDOM WRITING POETRY

Mother, father, I cannot see myself, 
Everyone wears a mask, 
Not to deceive, but to hide,
Pain lost inside the memories of life.

I stood at the edge, looked over,
Wanted to jump off,
Free falling into bliss, the end nears.

I could not jump,
Humanity held me in place,
Kept me there, to live life,
Why, I have no idea, movements become labor,
Each step a pain, keeping alive, breathing, a task.

The edge stays there, tempting me, motioning to me, 
To take the easy step off, into darkness, a dreamed reality,
Awake my child, I wish the words would come, the darkness lifts, 
My eyes open, it was all a dream, I wish, I hope, but it keeps going on.

The sight is gone, the tastes are not there, the winds are dead, 
Mindless, wandering, falling over sharp stones, cutting me and I not bleed.

Trying to run away from the pain, the memories, into the words,
Like drugs, memories drifting down, do not blame yourself,
Search inside myself, to wake life once more.

Everyone tries to wear a mask, to hide the tears underneath the laugh.
The lies build into life, smiling, nodding, dreaming, living,
Rushing head long into the night, blind, grasping, feeling, dying,

Awake my children to the madness, awake, awake, see the wall 
Fast approaching, break the mirrors in your mind so you do not have to see,
The faces staring back at you, laughing, pointing, sneering,
The world is fast spinning, colliding inside with the demons fresh at your heels.

Ripping flesh, pulling meat from your bones, 
My body is dying, as is everyone, but I fast approach the wall,
Head long, eyes closed, breath held, break fast, jump,
Fall to the ground, fists pounding into the ground, breaking bone.

This is the end, my only friend, the end…