Posts Tagged ‘Political Humor’

Tuesday, November 27th, 2018 – Louisville, Kentucky

Dear Reader,

I started thinking about this blog post around 4 am this morning, it was a cold start, snowing sprinkles of white dusting, a holiday cheer, apparently, direct from the Weather Gods to cover the piles of dog poop out there on the grass.

I had this vision, the American dream, as directed by a self-deprecating person who was in need of ADD medication as delivered by a drunken clown.

Whatever happened to the American Dream?

Two cars in the garage, a swimming pool that wasn’t filled with disease ridden geese we named Charles in tribute to Prince Charles, and a million bucks a month, tax free, no strings attached except we might have to do a favor for the President of Peru at some time.

Nowadays, we’re lucky to have a roof over our head; a cardboard box, to call our own, to even have a job that pays pennies on the dollars, and questions are asked.

Companies that we grew up with like Kmart, Sears, Toys R Us are closing or are closed.

Car companies, the past back bone of that American Dream, are in dire trouble, cutting jobs left and right.

Those past two cars in the garage are gone; no longer made, because damn it, they too expensive to make, in any country.

Even Walmart, the grandfather of jobs that kinda suck but you still work for them because Fat Burgers doesn’t give bathroom breaks, is cutting hours of their employees in a chase to maximize profits.

“We raised the hourly rate to $10 an hour, what did you expect?” 

Course, being an executive in this “Cut and burn” progression of our country is still a paid out job; even if a company goes bankrupt, these men in black suits, get bonuses.

“What? But they hosed the goose! No money!! No bonuses!! They should pay it all back!!” I can hear you screaming.

They should but they won’t have to.

Millions of dollars are giving to these turds while the worker, the true back bone of the system, get the hose.

“You should have worked harder!!! Like me!!” Some Sears executive says as he takes his golden parachute and jumps from the plane which will soon crash into the mountain top.

It kind of makes sense that we have our current leader, our President, at the helm of this cruise ship named the Titanic, plotting our course.

Some people are upset over the President’s family choice of Christmas decor for the White House.

Not me, I find them appropriate.

Listen, those trees are a representation of what America is, and what is will be for a very long time.

We’re that messed up family on the block, Grandpa is out in his underwear screaming about how taxes are too high, welfare moms are too high, etc. etc.

Mom’s in the basement, huffing gasoline with dad and sis!!

This is “Our America!!”, home of the all you can eat heart killing buffet, $12.95 with a diet coke to make it okay!!!!!

Don’t like it, there’s the door, bring help!!!

Yes, we can get a new Prez in 2 years, but we’ll still have the legacy, the nickname, best family on the block!!! Cause Uncle Don knows how to decorate the house with beer cans!! Amen!!

Even with a new President, the issues of what is causing the downfall, that death of the Dream our forefathers and mothers had for us, their children, is there.

The car companies failing has been coming on for a very long time.

The companies we thought would be there for a very long time, they were killed by greed; executives who shouldn’t have been put in charge of baby sitting an already dead baby, billions of dollars in sales negated by triple or more in interest on debt that was used for God only knows what.

It sure wasn’t used to better the stores or provide a living wage for the employees, it probably ended up some executives’ noses and possibly rumps.

Who knows with those executives!

Is America great?

We sure are.

We still have those buffets; shops that sell sex toys that also double as blenders, for some The American Dream is still alive but that number is decreasing.

People are having to work 3 to 4 jobs just to cover the basics; like a roof, food, it has been coming on for a long time, and even now, the jobs are becoming harder and harder to find.

Both sides of this mess we call politics will tell you, the economy is doing great, but if you dig just a little bit below the surface, you’ll discover, it really isn’t.

Do I have a solution?

No, I do not, except nuke it from orbit, and start over again, this time enabling cheats, like some sort of video game.


Every election season, I get that “Political Writer” bug that bites my ass and decide to jump into the waters with both feet.

I’ll admit I’m a Democrat from before some of you were even a dirty thought in your momma or poppas’ mind.

But as I grow older, I find myself leaning more of a middle of the road moderate who kinda likes some ideas from one side and the other.

I’d like to see someday a third party who would take the ideas of both sides and mix them into an awesome agenda, for the people, not for the Corporations who control the puppet strings!

Till then, I will mock both sides by writing my Midterms’ pieces I call WHO IS RUNNING FOR … (A sample of my latest works on a different blog can be found here —- where I dissect the race for the governor of Missouri.)

I hit states mostly where I don’t live nor do I have a horse in the race, to make it kind of unbiased and mock I do.

I decided to write a piece for my WordPress readers, who mostly read me for my poems but I’m feeling kind of political tonight, so enjoy!!

Tonight’s post will be —-


Midterm Elections 2018 are here and Alabama’s 7 districts are looking for some folks to represent them up ON THE HILL.

Tonight, we feature District 1(because we start at the beginning and work our way down!! Actually, we’ll probably get bored and move onto posting recipes from our grandma’s cookbook, the one she got in 1928 when she married my gramps!! You like chocolate cake with cookie frosting don’t you? We all do!!!) in our blog series.

The 1st District is located in southwestern Alabama and includes Mobile, Baldwin, Escambia, Monroe and Washington counties and a portion of Clarke County.

Here are the candidates!!!




Robert is a “Fiscally Responsible Democrat” which means he’ll not pass the bill onto you, the voter, from the yearly HOUSE VISIT TO THE STRIP CLUB — DOLLAR BEER NIGHTS!!!

Richard grew up in Prichard, Alabama and attended church.  He also went to school and later, was in the military where he killed Nazi Vampires in Japan.

We salute Richard in his service.

Nazi vampires are evil.

After serving our country with honor, Richard went to college where he majored in underwater basket weaving (seriously, we’re getting our information mixed up and are too lazy to go correct it!! Sorry!!!)

He holds a shit ton of degrees and honors.


Robert is about faith, honor, affordable health care, public education, fiscal responsibility, environmental stewardship (no burn down the trees till the owls are out!!), right to bear arms but responsibly but right to arm bears unimpeded! Right to privacy when it comes to abortions, and the right to vote.

We all about those things too.

Especially the right to arm bears!!!


WASHINGTONSept. 20, 2018 /PRNewswire/ — Robert F. Kennedy Jr., Chairman of Children’s Health Defense (CHD), and Rolf Hazlehurst, parent of a vaccine-injured child, petitioned the Department of Justice (DOJ) Office of Inspector General (OIG), and the Senate and House Judiciary Committees today to investigate actions taken by federal personnel during the “Vaccine Court” Omnibus Autism Proceedings (OAP).  source:

Rep Byrne Official Portrait 2.25.14



Since we can’t find a “BRADLEY FOR CONGRESS SITE” we are having to use his site which doesn’t really give you a great idea of what about so we’ll create our own “About”.

note update – WE FOUND HIS “For Congress” Website — Usually when searching for these things, you just have to type in the name and sometimes the state and bam, there’s the website but not old Bradley, had to add “For congress” to the mix as well!! Tricky!!!

He does have a “If you’re introducing Bradley at a hosted event speech, please use this sample!” but we think of this as more of a roast of our lovable uncle.

The uncle who use to give us candy if we sat on his lap.


Just kidding…..about the perv.

Bradley Byrne was born just a few miles from where his great-great-great grandfather, Gerald Byrne, settled in the 1780s (no, we’re not making this up! Go read!!)

Bradley went off to college, skipping high school all together and received his degree in law or underwater basket weaving, we’re not too sure and really don’t feel like going and Googling the real information.

Creating a politician’s profile is hard! Try it!! See? Difficult!!!

Byrne, like all great politicians, served Alabama as a cat herder, an chef at an Indian restaurant, and some other stuff we cannot mention on this family friendly blog.

Lets just say that Bradley did his time as a politician and move along.




Bradley is about shooting all illegal immigrants on sight!

And making them into soup to be served to our elementary school children.

President Donald Trump thinks that’s a good idea.

“Feeding school children is a good thing!!” Bradley said when we called to verify the record(we kid, our moms won’t allow us to use the phones except to call the time!)

Bradley is a “Fiscal Conservative” which means, Balance Budget baby!!

Bradley is all for state rights and limiting the federal government interference into those rights.

“Back off Feds!! Don’t tread on me!!” Bradley screamed at us while mom was away to her bridge game.

Bradley believes we should rebuild our local infrastructures.  We can’t really make fun of that, we believe in that too!!!

Bradley thinks national defense is awesome, we need more bombs to scare away the terrorists.

He also thinks we need to do more for the veterans.

Again, we cannot argue about the veterans section.  More $$$ to the Vets and their support programs.

Bradley supports traditional Alabama Values. We’re not sure what that means, possibly rock and roll and dancing.

We kid.

He loves Jesus and his AK-47!!!

Bradley think seniors should be supported in their old age.

Or made into soup too!!

Again, guns for everyone!! We HEART guns!!


One of the things we pride ourselves on as Alabamians is taking care of each other. Not only should this mean we take care of those we know or our next-door neighbors, it should also mean taking care of all those throughout our region, especially those experiencing hardships.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, anywhere from 115 to nearly 200 Americans die every day from an opioid overdose. Last year alone, roughly 72,000 people died from this public health crisis. No community or group is exempt from the crisis. This is not a political issue. The opioid epidemic has been going on for far too long, and it is time that something be done about it. — Source:


According to the historical analyst of this district, there’s a good chance that Bradley Byrne will keep his seat and Mr. Kennedy will shake his fist in defeat.

But miracles could happen.

Don’t count Robert out.

No seriously, go ahead and count him out.

The last two elections in this district have gone Republicans and that seemingly isn’t going to change this midterm.

Unless a miracle happens, then, you can come back here to this blog on November 7th and go, NANER NANER, POO POO BUTT!! GUESS WHO WON? GUESS WHO WON?

So good night and have a better tomorrow!!


08/09/2018 – Blahland, USA

I casted my first vote way back when in 1989, it felt good to be part of the “Democratic” process and from that day forward I voted, I felt like I was a solution to a huge problem, I was told by people I respected that my vote matter.

My voice was being heard, I thought, by people of great power.

You wanted to keep your job, you better do it well, or I’m voting you out.

I even helped a senator from the great state of Montana get re-elected in 1996.

And there, in that process of helping out, I peeked behind the curtain, I saw that the great and all powerful Wizard of Oz was nothing more than some frail old man in dire need of a blow job.

I learned that both sides were cobras, we, the people were just voting for which cobra we wanted to bite us.

(D) or (R), which one had the best fangs.

I registered as a D, they seem like they were there for the people, the Democrats wouldn’t fuck the working man.

The Rs were the evil, mustache twirling black hatters who cackled with nervous glee as the train came barreling down the tracks to the tie down damsel in distress.

The Third Party, the I, were basically two commies in a bathroom stall in a Greyhound Bus Station in Fargo, no real presence but you knew they were there because of the smell.

The Is never amounted to much, a tick in some elections, a barf in others, and if you asked your grandparents, the only good commie was a dead commie.

In 2016, something happened that pushed me farther away from the political scene as a voter.

A cluster fuck of a circus that for generations will be taught in history class as “The Year the Music Died…”

No wait, that’s a different blog.

The 2016 Presidential Election was a space flight right into the sun.

The Rs decided to hold a 100 ring circus before the main event; thousands of contenders filled the air waves with debates, punches, circle jerks, etc.

“I want to be your President!”

And there was some actual good candidates in the bunch.

But in the end, they picked a game show.reality show host.

The Ds, not wanting to be outdone by pure stupidity, held a race between two mice; one though, the Ds cut off his legs before the race was even announced.

It was a good year to stay home and vote for your penis as state senator.

The main event; laughable in the fact that the Ds swore they were going to win.

“How could we lose to a game show host! We have the chance for the 1st woman President right here!!! IF you don’t vote for her, you’re a sexist asshole!”

I decided to vote for gin.

“Don’t throw your vote away! Make it count!”

To explain the electoral process of the United States of America is like explaining the beauty of a mountain scene to a blind at birth person.

You can try and explain it but in the end, you’ll both just want to drink a lot of booze and write love poems to your mom.

I’ve had people from other countries ask me, “But didn’t Trump win by the peoples’ vote?”

And the answer is no.

The way the American election system works is people, pretending that their vote means a crap, goes to a place to check boxes, it doesn’t really matter which box you check as each ballot gets shredded and the computer assigns a random number every .000001 to the voter which is then translated to a candidate.

None of this matters as the final decision is sent to a college with no football team who then flips a coin; heads to the Republican or tails to the Democrats.

It has been ran this way since forever.

Back in the day, cow patties and huge rolls of butcher paper were used to pick the President.

I won’t go into the details except to say your plop mattered back then.

If you live in a state like I did during this election, where your “Electoral vote” is less than the IQ of a dead monkey, those ballots are just shredded and you just get the feeling that you did your civic duty.

You can get that same feeling by drinking a bottle of rum and then drunk texting your ex.

“But, Mr. Blog Writer, why don’t you go out and change the system! Go out and help the I to become a fighting force! WE CAN!!!”

Sadly we can’t.

Not without Corporate Sponsorship.

Or a dance off.

But mostly Corporate Sponsorship.

So what happened?

Donald Trump won.

It is now 2018.

The future science fiction writers wrote about way back when in 1942.

Flying cars.

Cities on the moons,

They couldn’t imagine.

A new mid term election is in play; the people are out!

“We are going to change the system!!”

“Come on Random Blogger! Get on board the TRAIN! WOO! WOO!”

I have decided to not vote this time around; take a breather from that feeling of civic duty; one I was beyond proud to do back in the day; now it just feels like giving a blow job to a dead monkey.

Both sides are insane; the only time I hear from either is when they need something; donations, my vote, blood.

Both sides are like blood suckers; “IF you don’t help me, the system will implode!!”

Well, in that case, goodbye system and thanks for all the fish, I ain’t voting, I ain’t donating and if I’m lucky, I’ll kick the bucket before 2020 when Kim Kardashian becomes the next United States of America’s President.

“That’s Madam President to you Random Blogger!!”

If you want me, I’ll be over here drinking rum and watching 100 Day Fiance…


Bear was bored so today, he decided to call The President aka Donald “The Tweet” Trump, the 45th President of the United States of the Fucking America!!!

“Hello? Is this THE PREZ?”

“It sure is!!!! Who is this?”

“This is Bear!!”

10-donald-trump-debate.w750.h560.2xAfter some polite chit chat and exchanging recipes for salmon stew vs. Trump’s delicious crow pie, we began the interview with some hard hitting questions!

Bear: What inspired you to run for President?

Trump: Good question, to the meat of the issue without striking bone in the first round, waiting for the next question for the kill shot. The best!!

Well, let me reply in like by giving you the best answer

The people, out there, chanting MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!! That inspired me to not only run but to win, I am the Choice that the American people made and wanted.

Bear: Actually Mr. President, you lost the popular vote and won by the Electoral vote.


Bear: Okay, who are your heroes, living or dead?

china_trump_trademarks_70301-jpg-f8dba_550679227a1881ca317cb1375afd41ef.nbcnews-ux-2880-1000Trump: Again, great question, thank you for this opportunity to get to the meat of the issue, to delve into my, better regions of my personality.

Bear: You’re welcome.

Trump: My heroes have always been the outsiders, the men and women who stand outside the box, draining the swamp, and keeping America great, not like that Prez Obama who, my sources say, great sources, just the best, wasn’t even born in this country, but in a place called Hawaii!!

Bear: Uhm, Hawaii is a state sir.

Trump: NO IT’S NOT!!! NO IT’S NOT!! FAKE NEWS!!! Next you’ll try to tell me New Mexico is a state!

Bear: It is.


Bear: Okay, some people are calling you a racist ass wipe and that you should be impeached.  Your reply.

Trump: I can say I am not a racist nor an ass wipe! I pee standing up!!! My gardener happens to be colored!

Bear: Uh, think calling them “Colored” is a racist term sir,


The phone went dead and Bear was left with five more questions unanswered.

  1. What kind of pie do you like?
  2. Do you like pussy cats?
  3. What color is the sky in your world?
  4. Briefs or boxers
  5. Who wrote the Book of Love?

Guess we’ll never know.

Senator Mitch McConnell apparently takes long bathroom breaks as he was unavailable every time we called him.

Stay tune next week when we interview a drunk at the bus stop we met today!!!






5/21/2017 – We not sure, it could be Space?

Did President Trump bow to Saudi King? Donald Trump is on his inaugural first world trip as El Presidente of the United States of Confusion, first stop Saudi  Arabia, sometime friend, sometime enemy, sometime that weird neighbor who screws our wife but hey, who cares, they have a really nice camel!

Some voices of the media are wondering aloud,

“Did Donald bow, curtsy or do some dance as the King placed a medal of something over the Prez’ head?”

Looking at the pictures we found on Google, it looks like the president is in some sort of strange collaring ceremony.

“I collar you, My slave, a slave’s name shall be putz!!!!” King Abu-Dabaa-Doo says.

Actually we here didn’t really notice, we were too busy wondering what North Korea was going to wear to the big dance later on this summer!


“Blue jeans and hot pink shirt!!! We very happy Bear!!! Bye!!!”

Of course, back in 2012, then just Donald tweeted, “Do we really want a Prez bowing to the Saudis!?” in reference to President Obama’s own visit to Saudi Arabia then.

But different times, different something, maybe we lost in Wonderland.

Or Fargo, North Dakota.

So here we are in 2017, hoping for cookies and getting shit pies!!!

Our President Trump is now slave boy putz!

But we get cheap oil right?


Putz’ stocks go up?


Good night and have a better tomorrow!



10:46 PM – 5/16/2017: Butte, Montana

It’s dark outside and raining.

Soon, according to the weather man, the rain will turn to snow.

We’re under a winter storm watch.

Welcome to the spring times in the Rockies, it’s a great place to live but not if you like the warm tropical breezes.

I guess you can pretend, sit out on a snow bank and pretend it’s a nice comfy beach.

Frost bite just doesn’t equate to sun tan, trust me on that!!!

I’m sitting here watching The Golden Girls and listening to some YouTube.

Andrew_Jackson-ABI wanted to post something less political than my last few other blogs.

I know there’s stuff happening over there in Washington, DC.

Our president, Donald Trump, in his late night wanderings around the White House is probably throwing his hands in the air, ranting to the ghost of Andrew Jackson.

“Why won’t they like me, Mr. Jackson?” he says pounding the desk in front of him

“I don’t know!! Maybe it’s your face!” Andrew replies, sipping a diet Coke.

President Jackson was apparently a dick in life, so what do you expect from him in death.

I know I said this blog entry was going to be less political but I can’t help it.

It’s just so much easier to write about the current political mess than it is to write about my feelings, my depression, my love of musical theater.

18556267_10158871450295294_5078773635501260390_nI may do that soon, like, my reviews on plays and stuff, if I ever go out to plays and such.

Maybe soon, I’ll hit the movies again, with my imaginary friends, like Anna Lope.

She’s a cool mounted head of a antelope who loves war movies!!

“I love it when the tanks roll, the bombs burst in air, and Tom Cruise comes to rescue me!”

But for tonight, here I sit, in a lounge recliner, watching Fraiser now, Combichrist – Everybody Hates You Full album Disc 1 is playing from YouTube – This Shit will fuck you up.

Sounding like a sound track of my life, this shit WILL fuck you up, like reading my blog, your mind will melt, you will see stuff, like ghosts, spirits, Ann Landers on acid, etc. etc.

I don’t even know what I’m writing about tonight, it’s just stuff drifting inside my head, the weird stuff, the normal stuff, life is there, wondering what I should do now, where should I go from here, maybe Detroit?

Well, okay, maybe not Detroit, though it does have some cheap housing.

Am I enjoying life?

6548847483_8dea35ddc9_bI don’t know how to answer that question.

I’m trying to be a happier individual, someone that people enjoy being around, rather, like my ex, running away from me in terror as I approach them.

I’m a people person, I like people!!

Not really, I tolerate people, for the most part, and they tolerate me.

I haven’t killed anyone, that can be proven, by a court of law.

I did write a blog dedicated to Jack Kerouac – found here ->

Jack Kerouac: Where are you now? A retrospect of my life in words and music.

I’ve also written horrible poetry and song lyrics which one can be found here —–>


Here I sit, wondering what the next adventure should be, where should I go, down the hill or up the mountain?

Where should I go?

To Hell or back?

I try to keep my mask on, to never let the general public see me cry, try to keep the happy clown mask on.


Guess it’s just how I am!

87b613ba42b812669526d2f389f55082How the voices in my head want me to be, they don’t want the doctors coming around, to quiet them.

“Shaddup Jason! Don’t let them see you, as the real you! They’ll put you away into the nut house!! We no wanna go there!!”

Choirs in my head, nobody wants to go in there, inside my head.

I have a feeling President Donald Trump is the same way, no one wants to go inside his head either.

Hell, I know I don’t want to be inside my own head, which is what makes this blog so great, you, the reader get to come on inside without going inside!!

Selective travels!!

Come hear the voices inside my head!!!!

I’ll try to write more here than I have in the past!!!

As the real me!!!

The drag queen!

Anyways, another good night and have a better tomorrow!!!

What did President Donald Trump tell the Russians?

May 15th, 2017

Donald_Trump_official_portrait_(cropped)Apparently The United States President is in the headlines once more again this hour.

Apparently, President Donald Trump, according to some source, revealed classified information to some Russians during their visit last week.

What was revealed?

“Nothing! It’s fake news!!” President screams from the Oval Office, where he’s Tweeting even now as we type this up.

He’s a big Twitter fan!!

But we here at Wandering Where I’m Going decided to investigate into this whole shit ball and went straight to the horse’s mouth.


“Hello Russian Media!!! You were allowed into the Oval Office last week, what was discussed between President Trump and uh, the Russians?”

“Hello Black Bear, we are big fans of your blog!! You tell truth, so shall we, it was discussed about your lovely Detroit, Michigan!! And your delightful little ham sandwiches with spicy mustard!!”

“Is that all?”

“ISIS may have been discussed but only in reference to ‘Who has the best looking women’s basketball team!?'”

“That sounds feasible!!! So the main stream media is just trying to make something out of nothing!?”

Russian Media sighs and hangs their head.

“You’re not telling us the whole story are you?”

“No! We can’t!!! Your weird delusional president will kill us if we tell you the whole story!!”

“Come on, we’re friends here, tell us! Tell us!!”

“Your President Trump told our government, he LOVES SPAM!!!”


You read it here first my friends, President Donald Trump LOVES Spam.

With pineapple.


So no investigation into Trump’s ties to Russia is needed!!

President Trump said nothing classified!!!

If you believe that, I have a bridge for sale for you in New York City, and if you buy it today, I’ll throw in the Statue of Liberty in for free!!


The current President of the United States is digging a hole, deeper and deeper and the more he screams, “FAKE!!” the worst he makes himself look, I’d say even making himself look like a traitor to the country he’s suppose to be the leader of.

But what do I know, I’m a bear!

He won’t even reply to my requests for an interview but will allow Russian media folks into the Oval Office.

I now know how CNN feels!

It sucks!!!

I thought I’d never say this about a President of the United States, but, YOU MR. TRUMP SUCK ASS!!!!

There, I said it!!! And he can suck a fart outta my big bear ass!!!

Good night and have a better tomorrow!!!