Posts Tagged ‘life without you’

Heaven be her name – The Story of Destiny

I keep thinking I’m making headway in this thing called life but then the waves come crashing down.

I come up for a breath, feeling the blessed air coming into my lungs, but there, again, the monster waves hit me, hard, pushing me to the bottom, scraping my body against the coral reef, where am I?

Nowhere, going fast, up one minute, kick to the face, down, counting, 1, 2, 3, do I wanna get up again or stay down for the count?

The bets are coming in, I’m staying down, but nope, my dumb ass gets back up.


I’m a winner!

I laugh at that, my inner demon does, I’m no winner, I’m a big fat loser!

I’m trying to stay alive, well enough, I think, until I look in the mirror, standing there, bloody, broken, ready to give in.

“I love you!” she, the one in my corner, even though I’m insane.

I keep going because and for her.

“What’s her name?”


Heaven be her name….

How I love thee, in a previous life even,
I whisper thy name during those times,
I think I can not go on,
There you are,
A shimmering light against the encroaching darkness…

The dragons invade my sleep, the crazy, hello insanity, you try to keep me sane, I am slipping into madness…..hello dear friend, how are you this fine and wonderful evening?

I am dead inside.

Opening old and new wounds!

What is reality?

A dream placed into real life?

Is that the definition?

Dear one, I shall keep walking till the end, tomorrow shall never come!


They say you can’t go home again, that time changes everything,
The life, the place you once knew is no longer the same.

Standing in the stream, waiting, eyes to the distant horizon, watching, hoping,That one day, it will come back to you, but the stream keeps moving forward, away,
And nothing stays the same.

What will happen, no one knows, the past is past; tomorrow never comes and all we have is today,
To feel; sadness, happiness, tears and laughter, standing there, watching the sky, intense blue.
Life goes on even when you don’t want to.

The hardness, the pain, lets us enjoy the light, the happiness that shall come someday, hopefully soon.
That which does not kill us, makes us stronger, so the old saying goes.
Some days, we feel like sitting down, never to arise again, to feel the hard ground, to grasp the dirt into our fingers, to close our eyes and never awake, last breath escaping from our lips, rise to Heaven, or fall to Hell.












The river moves onward and forward, as we should, in everything.  Those who have gone forth will be with us till the end of days, forever and ever, here in our heart, in our soul, and we keep on moving as they would want us to go forward, though, as has been said by better men than I, it can be hard, tempted to lie on comfortable grass and never rise again.

I keep moving, forward, onward, her in my heart, in my soul, the blue skies above me, high cliffs, so high they touch the sky, to my side, the lane moving forward, ever forward, the direction I shall go till the end.


Depression sucks!

Trying to get rid of it, to become happier, sucks even more.

Walking down the road, thinking about life, I begin to realize, I’ve lost my soul, bit by bit, not sure when, depression settling into its place.

I think about life, sober, not now though, I’ve been drinking cheap beer, which gets me thinking even more, realizing what life is about.

Sober, I walk down the road, thinking about life, the beginning, way before I became an adult, I go back into time, to a “better” place.

Is this time, right now, the better time, going farther down the hill, will life get worst? Better?

Depression sucks, it makes you look at life in darker light.

I try to get happier, which is tough, when the negative outranks the positive.

Will life get better?

People say so.

Others say no.

I try to keep positive, but it’s tough, the mind starts to think about other things, the negatives outrank the positive.

Then other days, the positive outranks the negative, those days are the best, I skip down the road, singing a song of happiness and light.

Good times.

The bad times disappear.

Right now, I am depressed, for no reason. The mind goes into the dark places, nothing cheers me up, even the beer doesn’t, the booze flows through me and disappears into the air.

Life sucks, move down the hill, the world keeps punching me in the guts, hard and with no love.

Then the next day, life kisses me with passion and love, embraces me and I love it.

Then back to bad.

Kick, punch, hate me, then the next, embrace, up, down, I hate it, I love it…

I wish life would make up its mind, to embrace me, love me, it sucks when it hates me.

I walk through the darkness, eyes wide open, mouth singing songs never meant to sing.This is life, from the bottom up, down inside, over and out, life is about everything.
I awake, breathing, eyes wide open, once again, singing about life.

There is a road, leading up into the sky, to grasp the sky, to breathe the air free.
We are nothing, we are everything, this is it, eyes seeing, mind knowing.
We are everything, we see it all, ran to the end, walked till our feet bleed, we are we.

Were are you sister? Were are you brother?
Were are you my dear wife, gone to heaven forever and ever?

The body is dying, the soul is fleeing, this is the end, my only friend.
Where are you? Gone to battle, to find your meaning in life, to find that which means the most?

Money, sex, drugs, everything, nothing is worth the end of it all.
I shall meet you at the hill, the huge tree snaking its way over us, grasping us, holding us.

Death become us.

Where do we go?




I love you dearest one, till we meet again, I am here, there, everywhere.





I am alive, and well, breathing forever, till the end of time.

We shall become one with the alive.


Walking down the road, eyes to the ground, spirit to the Heavens,I keep moving and the breath still ushers forth, for I am alive,
Alive in this world, alive to see another day, another sunrise, sunset,
Walking forward and onward, feet to the ground, arms in the air,
This is life, perfect, not perfect, a great life in harmony of everything.

Life is moving, kissing, loving, seeing, hearing, back and forth, breath in, out,
Life is here, there, everything, nothing, the gaze of everyone from inside my head,
A kiss, loving in the fields of grass, embrace, night time, day time, every time, against the wind,
Moving forward through space, into blind open sight.

The time is near to contemplate everything, Gods listen as I scream into the dark,
Tears rolling down my eyes,
This is life,
Death and life, embrace into everything.

Everyone dies.
It’s okay…

I am wandering through the grass, slightly twisted, always fresh,
I am wandering, looking for safe passage, wandering through this thing called life.

I am wandering, pleasurably on better days, cut by the thorns, ripped through my flesh, on those rotten days.
I tried to follow you, you disappeared into the sun,
I still feel you, near me, calling me,
But for now, I wander down another trail,
Lonelier, missing you, the trail turning here and there,
Everywhere, dips into low valleys,
Across burning deserts,
Up into high mountains,
Down through the green hills below.

I am wandering,
Drifting through the seas, waves crashing, pouring over the side,
This is a big storm, heading in.

I would follow you, into the setting sun,
But alas, the journey is not over for me,
Long travel, salty road, hard times ahead probably,
This is not the end for me,
Journey onward, forward,
March, march, onward,
Towards the rising sun,
Following you, never catching.

I still talk to you, you whisper back, sweetly on the wind,
In the birds’ chirps, the smells of roses in the back yard,
I hear your voice among the trees, saying, “Catch me! Catch me if you can!”

I try, running towards you, the image of your memory sweetly in my brain,
I run towards you in a dream, almost there, you disappear, giggling like you did,
Alive, I am, dead inside some days,
I wish this all a dream, to awake to you, smiling at me, loving me.

Night time is the hardest, laying in bed,
Trying to fall asleep, wishing you were here, by me, holding me,
Loving me.

I am wandering, to and fro, back and forth,
Journey one way, dead end, try another.
Journey onward, slipping down the rocky slope,
Always onward, cannot go back, though wish I can.

I am wandering….

We were living in a paradise,
The world came along and chewed us up
And spit us out.

We were living in a paradise,
The next thing I knew,
I was standing all alone,
My arms by my side,
My mind, doing time.

We were living in a paradise,
The world kept spinning,
And I fell apart.

We were standing against the storm,
Standing tall among the fallen,
We were living in a paradise,
Walking through the forest,
Couldn’t see the trees.

We were standing like a tree,
Standing tall,
Among the fallen piles of dreams.
We were living in a paradise,
Lost and tossed with the waves,But we were free,
Never lost,
Never found.

I cut my wrists
And the world bled,
I wish you were still here,
Living in a paradise, Standing there with me,
The storm washing over us,
There with me.

Living in a paradise,
Last hope of a new dream,
Lost with you, leaving me for paradise,
Heaven gain, and I lost,
That night I lost you…