Posts Tagged ‘insanity’

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Oh Dearest,
This, I dare not speak thy name,
Do you not hear the wind?
The silence,
In that darkened room,
Too square,
The light in the hall,
Flickering madly,
As to say,
Here I am!
Here I am!
Oh mother,
Oh madness,
Do you not hear me screaming,
Inside myself?

Madness,
That sweet embrace,
Of troubled mind,
To sweep that darkness,
From thy life,
Is this the reality,
Or just another delusion,
Of that troubled mind?

I find myself flying,
Hale was there,
Smiling,
As he always did,
Psychotic break,
The doctors say,
He sits there in the corner,
His knees pressed against his chest,
“Maybe! Maybe! Mother may I!”
He repeats.
Repeats.
The nurses sigh,
“Pills!” they chirp.
We devour them,
And I fly,
Just there,
On the ceiling,
Oh Madness,
You are my only friend,
The rest,
Oh dear friend,
I tolerate,
Chirping nurses,
Doctors,
Old lady,
Here since 1963,
I fall from that sky,
The floor breaking my fall,
I skin my knee.

Giants roam the planet,
Taking large angry steps,
Rushing towards me,
Terror I scream,
They run faster,
I try to stand,
To fly away,
They catch me,
I feel that prick,
Softly,
Falling asleep,
Into a dreamless sleep,
Rest,
Peace,
Is this the end?

I awake,
Chirp,
“How are you Mr. Fields?”
I smile,
I nod,
I agree,
To what,
I have no idea,
Chirp.
Smile.
Nods.
They leave.
I stand.
Legs weak,
I settle into a chair,
Chirp.
“Breakfast!”
I eat.
I shit.
I die.
But slowly.
Not like Susie,
Who died,
Fell asleep,
Never woke,
July 12th,
It was a dreary day,
Night,
Rain was falling,
Today was a bright,
Sunny day,
Oh my head,
Scream.

Chirp.

“Please…”

I fear.
I close my eyes.
Those eyes,
Oh fright…

Oh morning,
My dear day,
When it finally comes,
That hard rain,
We shall surely,
Be washed away.

Good night…

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Wordless voices,
Ringing out,
In silent songs,
Against the howling winds,
The storm blows in from the end of the world,
Misery,
Signs in broken windows,
Trying to keep out the storm,
The high walls fall,
Scattering as they hit,
Rejoice sadly,
In tribute to madness,
A great insanity,
Written down,
For historical reference for that present,
To the future we progress,
Revert to a worse time.

Sacred wine poured from Pepsi bottles,
Straight into urinals,
To drain to those masses,
Who shall think of it as rain,
They will not know better,
And we will not destroy their dreams,
Look, my friends, it is raining, a golden rainbow in the sky.

That madness,
To hear the night scream,
Too bright,
Strained against the eyes,
Fleeing fleas,
Distracted,
A disease,
Good night.

August 25th, 2019 – 10,000 miles below the Earth’s surface or maybe Rapid City, South Dakota

Hello and greetings my beautiful readers, I hope all is well with you on this Sunday morning.

I usually write a poem around 2 am and post it with glee but today decided to write a rambling piece at 9:45 am, and maybe, just maybe make someone who needs it glad to be alive.

I’m glad to be alive myself.

“Really?”

Sure, beats the other options.

“Being dead?”

Yeah, so anyways, what’s inside my head?

Chocolate pudding.

I don’t know what is going on in the news.

I stopped watching that mess of an atomic train wreck.

I guessing the world is still there, I haven’t checked yet.

*Goes outside, looks, comes back*

Yep, still there.

Glad too. Was kinda worried.

United States lately has been having a tendency in pissing off countries such as Canada.

How do you piss of a Canadian?

Call them a moose tucker!!

Har!

Anyways, this is today’s blog, hope you enjoyed!

If not, go tuck yourself!!!

Good night and have a better tomorrow.

Killing yourself,
You don’t need a big knife,
But self defeat,
Is the purpose of the game.

Walking,
Into the deep end,
Hold your breathe,
Till the end,
Can’t see the bottom,
Till you hit it.

What is love,
But misery?
What is happening,
With this disease?
Standing on the corner,
Waiting for,
The life,
To be defeated,
To be blown to pieces,
Cutting yourself,
To see if you still,
Bleed.

Standing in the darkness,
The thoughts begin to breed,
To cease,
To sleep,
To give up,
To not feel,
That misery,
Where can we go?
What can we do?

Do you know,
That misery,
In a company?
Reach up and give up.

Heaven is,
Nothing but,
Giving up,
Falling down!

6088687_f520Dancing in the dark;
Eyes wide shut,
Dancing in the dark,
God is in the light,
The sun setting upon a blight.

Where are we?
Doesn’t hurt me,
You want to know,
To hear me,
Dancing in the dark,
If I could,
I would swap our places,
Not to feel loss,
Not to feel that pain,
To matter,
To dance into the setting sun,
To dance within the darkness,
To be beyond that happiness,
With eyes wide shut,
Misery,
To claw out my heart,
How I wish I did not feel that pain,
That lost,
Within here.

To dance,
In the dark,
No problems,
To make a deal,
With god,
No pain,
No memories,
To feel nothing but the rain on my face,
To feel alive…

UP TOO DAMN EARLY – AN EARLY MORNING UPDATE

 

o-INSOMNIA-900

August 30th, 2018 – Somewhere in the living room

It’s almost the last day of August, one more day of what we consider the days of summer, as we move into fall, then, with just a blink, it’ll be winter time.

It seems like only yesterday it was the beginning of 2018 and now, we’re past the midpoint, heading fast into the end.

Where the hell does the time go?

Anyways, I know I usually write a poem and post it here but I went to bed way too early for me; 7 pm, I saw my head hit the pillow before my usual time of like 2 am.

This means I was up by 2 am and with the cable company trying to resolve a major issue, means, no TV between 2 am and 6 am.

What does that mean to you?

I feel like writing something here; but no poem right now, maybe later.

Every so often, I get in the mood to just write, random stuff, my long time readers know this as EEK!! HE’S OFF HIS MEDS!!

So here I sit, at 4:42 in the morning, the laptop on my lap and my fingers gliding over the keys (sometimes hitting the backspace a few times as I misspelled THE tge!) in an attempt to amuse myself so I don’t go running outside screaming THE BRITISH ARE COMING!!!! which scares the neighbors enough for them to call the police.

I should write a better title, something like click bait, like DISCOVER HOW TO MAKE MILLIONS OF DOLLARS JUST BY READING THIS BLOG!!! (I just went back up and readded this to the title!!! )

I remember reading a “How to make $$$ fast by blogging” years ago, when I first started and the blogger, some Doctor of Business and Stuff, stated that the title was the most important factor in growing your blog into a huge success.

I am going to admit, I suck at titles and tags and such.

I try to go with content but I fail at that as well.

Damn my inability to make good content.

I just like to write or ramble on about nothing in particular, it keeps me out of the loonie bin.

To be truthful, I’ve been rambling on for most of my life.

Some have told me, I’m a good writer, but I’ve never seen that, my self esteem won’t allow me to be too nice to myself.

But only recently (well, 2008) did I start sharing my writings with the world, AKA placing them on a blog.

I do like to scare the natives though so it has worked out for me as long as I don’t become too popular and people expect me to appear on national TV.

I’d break the world’s TV!

(Psst. Not really!! CBS, call me!! Lets do lunch!!!)

cat-blog

Course, online, nobody knows that you’re really a french bulldog blogging as a cat and seriously, I don’t think anyone really cares.

They just want to be entertained, to read about the lives of people, even if it’s as boring as

I HAD EGGS FOR BREAKFAST; THEY WERE REALLY GOOD!

On a now defunct blogging site, I tested this theory out by creating THE MOST BORING BLOG IN THE WORLD with such tidbits as the above as well as I WENT POTTY AT 12:45 PM!

I got enough followers to make $37!!

I think I used the money to buy snacks.

Very tasty snacks!

Anyways, I think I’ve rambled enough to make this blog postable!! I hope you enjoyed!! If not, there’s always Yahoo!!

 

 

I FELL – A POEM

I fell through the feelings,
I fell through the light,
Could not find my ground,
I fell through the distance,
One step at a time.

That last goodbye,
Trying to make it back,
Stumbling in the dark,
To fly,
Falling through that space,
To the ground below.

There,
Lost in time,
Spaced out,
There was not a sin,
But a symphony,
A tidal wave,
Crashing,
Of emotions,
Sending me,
Falling,
Drowning,
To be caught,
Below the surface,
To drown,
In emotions,
Sadness overcomes,
The tears,
Like rain in the sands…

Falling down into space,
To see,
How far the rabbit hole goes.

There I was, sitting on the side of the road, looking for life through a bottle of Jack I bought a mile back, taking sips here and there, flipping off the desert rocks across the way from me.

It was a good day to be alive, sitting there, the sun baking my pale white skin a hard burnt brown.

Crows swirled over head, cawing to the beat of a music only they could hear, the coming of a summer storm brewing west of here, a vague breeze blowing around to keep the scene alive.

Mary, my last girl friend, before I became a single road runner on a trip to the sea, was outside of Boston, looking into that same sky as I was, only she was in Boston.

I drank another gulp of that whiskey which was soon becoming warm and had to be consumed before it became hot.

Summer time would soon end, as every season did, but I would remember it as I finding America as I traveled down the road; that con man in Cinncy looking for a dime to buy a burger, if he got a quarter, he could also get fries with that.

$1.85 for a platter.

$2.75 add a milk shake.

Cindy Lou, the sweet young mother from Salt Lake City, trying to find herself before her child became a teenager and hated her guts for raising her wrong.

That’s what teenagers did, it seemed, being angry monkeys, flinging poo at their mothers and then, when they hit their twenties or even thirties, figuring out that their parents were okay and they, the teenagers, were pricks.

I wanted to fall asleep, under a tree, a weeping willow, to stare into the sky, to wonder if any life was out there, intelligent life, too smart to contact us, humanity.

But as I drifted into thought, dreams, some car drove by, stopped.

“You need a ride?” the driver shouted out.

I nodded and headed over and got in.

“Where you heading?”

“West my friend, towards the sea…”

And that’s where the journey went.

Hank was an encyclopedia salesman from Tulsa, trying to sell books in the information age.

“I ain’t doing well…” he sighed, taking a hit off the bottle I had with me.

“Yeah, I ain’t either!” I said.

We stopped at some town to replenish our supplies.

Gin this time and a few bottles of whiskey, a six pack of beer each.

It was 75 miles to the next supply stop, in some desert town, like this one.

I thought about leaving this caravan, to find myself in this one horse town.

It had a bar, two toilets there, and a mile down the road, there was an all night liquor store.

The bar served hamburgers.

Cheap.

All that matter but I stayed on, Hank was pleased.

“I thought you’d go after that blonde we met. Glad you didn’t…”

The car sped along, mile markers drifting by, we were drunk by seventy two, pulling over around midnight at some rest stop.

“Shit!” I yelled.

The gin was gone.

We both cried.

Then passed out.

TO BE CONTINUED… 

So goes the world,
Into good night,
A sweet embrace,
By a lover’s hand,
To dream sweetly,
Of green fields,
High tall grasses,
The sweet waters,
Of the creek.

I stand here,
On the banks,
The wind,
Blowing freely by me.

I shall not fear,
I shall not cry,
This sweet dream,
Those who passed,
Are with me,
Here,
In this dream,
I shall not want,
I do not want to wake,
From this dream,
To stay here,
Never know that reality,
That exists outside this world,
This perfect dream….

Sitting at the bar,
Eyes glued to the glass,
Swirling around its content,
Thinking about a past life,
Future madness,
Present tense,
Excluding those trifles with girls in short dresses,
In a stall in a bus station in Topeka,
One night stands is all we had,
Lasting for months in letters, phone calls,
Then disappearing into the fog,
Never to be seen again

The young youth,
Dumb,
Full of that sex,
First time out,
On their own,
Playing as if they know what to do,
First time drinkers,
Sitting there at tables,
Ordering bottles,
Wine,
Fruits dried,
1987,
A good year,
They say.
I wouldn’t know.

We drink gasoline,
Stuff to kill our minds,
To forget that which should never have been lived,
To be seen,
We would have torn out our eyes,
To forget it,
We would burn our minds,
Flames burning that memory,
From the inside out.

Lights,
Dim,
Yellow,
Tinged to hide the blood stained floor.
I swirl the glass again,
Ice clinking against the side,
They say you shouldn’t add the ice,
Drink it straight,
Old time drunks,
Drinking here since 1942.

Hey, gimme a beer,
Swallow it down,
Two more,
Jack over there is paying,
Dear ole friend,
Piss away that day,
That night,
Nobody sitting next to her,
She’s crazy,
So am I,
So am I.

Here,
At this place,
This bar,
I find, life,
Love,
Hate,
Rage,
Back to love,
I can’t stand people,
I hate them,
Drinking away that pain,
Deep down,
The soul,
Grasping at straws.

Hey barkeep,
Two scotches and waters,
What do you do?
What do you see?

Ragged old men,
At age 33, drink,
Pondering the worn out bar top,
Fleeting youth, fleeing?
I would try to stand,
But I’d only fall down…