Posts Tagged ‘insanity’

Hello dear reader,

How are you?

Me, apparently cannot sleep, I’ve been tossing and turning and finally, at 3 am, I decided to stumble into my new, furnitureless living room from my new furnitureless bedroom and write my brain into a tired frenzy so it’ll let me fall fast to sleep.

Sometimes, okay, a lot, my brain decides it wants to think, random crap I can’t change, but bam, why not!

The other night, it decided to throw a girl I had a secret crush on back in elementary school as a “walk on” role in a dream.

It also decide, hey, why not throw a couple of friends in there along with my kid who isn’t even a dirty thought.

Great dream but then I wake up and go, WHAT DA HELL BRAIN?

“I don’t know, it seem right!!” It replies, shrugging as only a brain can only shrug with its lack of shoulders.

If it had eyes, it would have rolled them and said, “Thought you’d like it!!” It sighs, again if it had eyes, it would wink, and grin evily if it had a mouth.

My brain does that weird crap at 2 am, conversates with me, keeping me from sleep, it has done it for a long time, random stuff, things I have no control over, people I miss, people I haven’t thought about in 30 years, but there they are, asking how I am.

“Not too good!” I reply.

So here I sit now, legs crossed, my fingers tapping at my phone’s keyboard, writing poems randomly, letting my brain do its muttering, words flying on screen, hopefully I will fall asleep, 3:30 am, hopefully soon.

I write.

Damn brain, why won’t you calm down?

“Provide the link! To our poetry!”

CLICK HERE TO READ MY RANDOM POETRY – NEWLY MINTED! 3 AM!!

So there, my brain, the link, are you happy now??

“Quite!”

Good night my readers, sleep well…..zzzzzzzz

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Another night, the brain is on overdrive, not really a bad thing; another poem to share with you, my dearest reader.

I call these exercises random writings; self taught madness, visits to that part of my brain that sometimes goes unvisited for years at a time but when I do, I come out with the impression that I’m insane; the doctors were right.

“Bed rest and overmedication is recommended for this patient.”

I was once diagnosed as “Not knowing where he is in reference to time and space” by a school psychologist, who would later be caught giving another “unnamed” male a blow job in a bus station downtown USA!

A great way to end a career I guess.

I digress.

I really don’t know where I am in reference to time and space; whatever the hell that means.

Isn’t it 1972 and I’m in the Land of Flying Monkeys and singing jack asses aka Washington DC?

Thought so stupid misdiagnosis of my insanity!!!

CLICK HERE TO READ A LATE NIGHT RAMBLING – A RANDOM POEM

 No, I won’t try to explain what it means.

It’s possible it means absolutely nothing, or as Sister Mary once said about my poem I submitted in as part of my homework;

Pure crap!! If I could, I would give a lower grade!  Pure randomness which leads to the masturbatory fantasy of a sexual deviant! If you do not change your ways, you will find yourself in Hell at this rate! F!!!!!!!!!

The F was written in huge swooping sweeps of her skeletal hand; all could see, I was going to be trouble; I was a Catholic school flunkee.

Actually, I never made it past the front door of that school, Sister Mary stood at the door way that first day blocking my way.

“I know the Devil’s spawn; YOU SHALL NOT PASS!!”

So with glee, I went to public school where I passed with a C+ in most of my classes except in current events; I flunked that.

So good night my dear readers and have a better tomorrow

 

Dearest readers,

It is another night and another piece I have written, which you can find the link to below!

FOR MOTHER LAND: “We deeply regret to inform you…” – A POEM

A lot of my poetry, works of fiction, mostly just arise from me, wanting to be shared, from someplace, and if I feel like it (truthfully, sometimes I just want to hide under my covers and not lift them up till forever, which, sadly, has been happening a lot lately!!) I sit down and begin writing them down either on the old trusty laptop or a note pad.

Most times, when I write these pieces, I’m feeling pretty bright and cheerful but the words are far from that point of view; the words can be dark, almost too dark, but they need to be sent out into the world.

I try to share; sometimes I think there is another world, somewhere, trying to speak and my mind is the only one listening.

If that’s the case, this piece is from some young lad, barely in his twenties, which war, I have no clue, any war will do.

Into madness,
We saw ourselves go,
Propelled there by our might,
Our own will,
Our eyes held closed,
Against the blinding of the light,
Bombs bursting in air,

One of the lines from the poem, it just popped into my mind as I sat at the kitchen table and opened my notebook, the same notebook holding my “Homeless diary” as well, I’ve kept it as a notebook for my life, jotting things down as they come to me.

Someday I hope to get it published.

Someday again, another of those things that very rarely ever comes, like tomorrow, it never comes.

We stand there and wait, someday, tomorrow, echoes from our past, our father’s words,
our mother’s, children, does not matter, tomorrow, that mythical beast, we are forever in pursuit of it, to the grave.

So we should, it is written, live for today, keep the memories alive, but only peek at them sparingly, to live in the here and now, something I need to learn to do myself.

Good night my dear friends, until I speak with you again….

02/25/2018 – Someplace on the Planet Earth

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Dear sirs and madams,

Hi!

How are you?

I keep waking up breathing, which according to the doctors, is a good thing.

“Yay for waking up breathing!” cheers the nurses who stand by to stick me in the arm, to draw my blood, that life force that keeps me breathing, I guess.

I’m not a doctor though.

I’m barely a human being; just the skin and such, to make me able to walk among the hairless apes unseen by their unintelligent eyes.

If they saw my true form, they would still go about their daily business.

CLICK HERE FOR MY NEWEST POEM – INFORMED INSANITY – A POEM TO READ IN A CLOSET WHILE THE DEVIL STEALS YOUR BUILDING BLOCKS

So, after my ordeal of being pricked and prodded, I lay here, half naked, a flimsy robe covering my nakedness, the nurse coming in on the hour to see if I need a sleeping pill.

Oh no you don’t mind sucking demon from the Planet X’Neon!!! I’m on to you.

I’ll stay up and write, to tell the outside world about you, to tell them how you steal minds, put them in jars, to sell to the Martians or trade Iranians for free porn on Craigslist.

I’m on to you!!!

EAT LASERS ALIEN SCUM!!!

My fingers are registered deadly weapons in 17 universes and 23 alternate universes, including this one.

You just don’t know you’re dead!!

Ha ha!! FOOLS!!!!

Do you know, that, when a cat shows you their belly, you should scratch it?

This tells the Universe, I’M DONE, I’m so gone, I don’t care if the cat kills me!!

And the cat will respond by purring or stealing your wallet and go on a spending spree!!

Stupid cat.

I only have  a $1.95!!

Anyways think it’s time to fall asleep, to meet her there in dreamland.

She knows who she is!!!

Your friend,

ME!

 

 

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2/21/2018 – Somewhere

I’m up for the count, just sitting here in the kitchen, listening to some music, wrote a poem for my other blog, it seem like the good thing to do, another sad, depressing shit random fest I like to do, just sit down, and begin typing, letting the words flow from my mind.

Click here for Broadway and Filth – A Poem

Still sitting here, 1:30 in the am, the darkness is deep and black, no moon.

Thoughts are crossing my mind.

THE ODE TO THE HOMELESS LIFE: Written in the summer, while I was homeless for a few weeks, just a taste of that life, enough for me, to lay down on the ground, to stare into the night sky, the stars my company.

THE ODE TO THE HOMELESS LIFE – A POEM

…The ground, your bed,
The sky, your covers.
Live life as you live it,
Not as you wish,
Take each breath,
A gift from God.

In the still of the night,
I lay here,
Wishing to sleep,
To dream,
That of green fields,
A soft bed to lay my body,
A pillow to lay my head,
A quilt to cover me.

I am tired,
But alas,
I cannot sleep!

 

02/08/2018 – Hello!

So I’ve been trying to revive one of my old blogs; a place just to write, poetry mostly, and hope to make a few pennies maybe in the process.

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My newest piece can be found here — A SUICIDE NOTE TO THE WORLD – A POEM

It definitely is not one of my happiest poems but it just kind of came out of me and I wrote it down as quickly as I could.

To note, I’m not really suicidal, more depressed than I’ve been in awhile but not enough to go jump in front of a bus!! 😀

Anyways, it is getting late, almost 1:30 in the morning, and thinking it may be time for a nap.

A quick bit of poetry for here just to make this worth the time to hit PUBLISH!! 😀

In the night, she does dance,
Diamonds in her eyes,
Kingdom in the sky,
A glance at the madness,
Her love,
Sweet kiss,
Lay down upon the bed of light,
To awake in as a dream,
Good night…

 

 

01/18/2018 – Random Writing at 4 AM – Another Poem?

Inside my mind; I do find myself – not against the rage but not in peace either; the waves do crash upon the shore again; it is peaceful even in that storm, to hear the breaks, the rage.

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Sometimes I wonder though if this life is even worth that rage.

A NOTE TO MY DEAR READERS: 

I wrote a piece tonight; at 3 AM, at a different site – Random Writings at 3 AM(Click! READ!!!) 

My mind is awake; keeping me awake in body and soul, so I write to amuse you; TO AMUSE MYSELF, I dare say, to pull from me that place words, to place upon the screen to let you read that which is inside my head; inside my brain.

Photo0047Here in the world; the darkness of the late night or early morning; I know not what, it matters to your perception; I begin to write, silly things, my words, thrown together quite madly, nothing in design or planning; random words typed quickly before they are lost to that insanity; no rhyme or reason I should say.

A memory interloped into the mess: not THAT far away in time but enough to make me realize, I am old, middle aged.

I was in high school, memorizing the passages of darling buds of May; henceforth a love done lost, to wishes and dreams unloved; is not that reality better to live, to breathe, to see, to feel that heart break then never to have loved before?

Memories trance themselves into view randomly; as if in a dream, I shall sleep soon, I believe, I shall see the faces of those who dance among the cerebral consciousness of myself, in that dream land, peeking out from here and there; tonight my dear readers is but a mess, of randomness.

My English teacher; throwing pages down upon my desk; a composition in my first madness.

‘Unbelievably dull characters; nothing seems alive, dead! Dead! Dead! F!’ she wrote upon it; in red. ‘You’ll never be more than what you are!’

I never understood, I still don’t; it’s impossible to be more than what you are; unless you break the laws of time and space; split the universe in half, rip reality into ninths and shit upon it all!!

But I digress, sweet readers, I do not know where my mind will take us; into madness, into love, into that sweet embrace of timeless wonders; that first kiss, that first date, that moment of first joy of release, though I shall not say that first fuck!

Words do drift out; could this be the end or the beginning?

I do not know; let us begin; said the joker to the king.

We all wears masks; we hide the reality, it is easier that way; the characters do drift in and out of our lives; and make us happy, sad, indifferent, etc. etc. etc.

This is how it shall be; the beginning, the middle and the end.

The holy trinity!

Good night; till tomorrow, I am forever indebted to you, dear reader, as you share with me; this journey through time and space; Good night!!!