Posts Tagged ‘humor’

Bear-Grandfather-Mtn-Tim-Floyd-779608

A “Bear” Review of Politics! Rob Quist VS. Greg Gianforte for the souls of Montana! Congressman too!!!

All eyes are on the State of Montana.

Why?

Montana has an open congressional seat sitting empty due to Ryan Zinke, the past Congressman, being chosen to lead Satan’s army or something.

Apparently, there’s three candidates running in this special election on Thursday May 25th, 2017 –

586d92f397ef3.image

1. Rob Quist: Democrat – A singer and song writer and killer of babies if you believe his opponent, and who doesn’t?

Bernie Sanders, the devil’s play toy, will be in my town of Butte, Montana next Saturday, May 20th, campaigning for Rob.

I’d like to be there but I finally got a job after almost a year with no job or hope.

Now, I have some hope, but my hero, will be in the same town as me and I can’t go to scream, “MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!!!” or something.

I get confused easily.

According to Greg Gianforte, his opponent, Rob doesn’t pay his bills or taxes.

“I paid! I paid!” Rob screams from the TV set then shoots it.

I haven’t listen to Rob’s music but right now, I’m listening to ABBA and that’s all that matters!!!

According to his opponent, Rob hasn’t had a fishing or hunting license in 16 years.

Dear Greg, neither have I but shhhh, I still go hunting and fishing!! Giggle!!

Just kidding, to any law enforcement agencies reading this, I obey the law and so does Rob!!

We no use dynamite to hunt and/or fish!!

God’s honest truth.

We heard Greg though uses live human bait to enhance his bear hunting experience!!

Bad Greg!!!

Hunting bears? ANIMAL!!!

20160915_213951_355629greggianforte

2. Greg Gianforte: Republican – We’re not sure exactly what Greg is doing nowadays but at some point he engineered which means, we’re assuming, he killed babies, if you listen to his opponent.

Now Greg stands patiently with his hands cross waiting to be elected to some public office.

Or a meteor to strike him dead.

According to his opponent, Rob Quist, Greg doesn’t pay his bills either!

“Do so! Do so!” and then shoots a TV set!

Apparently the cool thing to do is to shoot TV sets!

Donald Trump Jr. was in my home base of Butte, Montana yesterday aka Thursday the 11th and Vice President Pence is up north trying to get out the vote.

I wish Mike Pence would come to Butte.

I lived in Indiana from 1998 to 2013 and miss the old girl, he could bring that down to me.

And we could play corn hole.

Nobody here in Butte wants to play corn hole!!!

Not sure why, it’s a fun game with a horrible name apparently!

I was going to write a stance on each of these candidates but I won’t.

This candidate wanted a sales tax in the past but now, “I did not say that!! You stop with your fake news!! LIAR! LIAR! PANTS ON FIRE!!!”

Us here in Montana have voted against sales tax numerous times.

We don’t want one and those who advocate a sales tax can go to hell!!!

Or New Jersey!

Also, his stance on trying to deny access to public land is a put off for me, a public land fan.

Also Greg thinks it’d be nifty if we sold those public lands off to different companies, something I’m definitely against.

Sorry to my “Drill now!” fans.

Both candidates seemingly think we should go out hunting and fishing….FOR HUMANS!!!

Just kidding on the human part.

Or maybe not!!!

wicks-dog

3. Mark Wicks: Libertarian or maybe Librarian , we’re not sure! – And a third candidate, who we didn’t even know was running as we don’t see any of his ads on TV!!!

We don’t know if Mark pays his debt or shoots TV sets.

Libertarians, you need a media director, someone to make commercials for you.

Talking cats!!!

Nobody running for office uses talking cats!!

larry-the-cat-wears-a-unnion-jack-tie-in-2011-royal-wedding

Voice overHi! My name is Mark Wicks and I’m running for Congress! My opponents are dogs. No, seriously, they drool and everything. Go Google that! See? DOGS!! Do you want dogs running your political lives?

Of course you don’t!!!

You want a cat!! I’m that cat!!! Vote for me on May 25th!! Vote for those other guys on May 26th! Har! Har!!!

I’m a comedian too!!!

See me at Butte Civic Center July 12th!!

Bring a friend!!

We had to go to Mark’s campaign site to find out about him.

He’s a rancher!

We like ranchers.

He’s a writer!

We might be too!!

He’s a family man!

That means the mob right?

We HEART the mob!!

Dogs love him! (See pic above!!! that we stole from his website! Sorry Mark but some coverage is better than none which those other news organizations are doing!! Bad Fox News!! COVER MARK!!)

If we were allowed to vote(bears in Montana are not allowed to vote! UNFAIR!!! Bears now!! NO BEARS! NO PEACE!!!!) we’d vote for Mark!

Why?

He has a bear face and I bet he can shoot a TV screen with the best of them!

But since we can’t vote, we’re going to down a bottle of whiskey at the bar, maybe Uptown Butte, hope Bernie Sanders and VP Mike Pence will join us in a bi-partisan salute to freedom and the American way!!!

Ryan Zinke, you’re invited too!!!

So with all the facts on the table, who would we vote for?

A bottle of gin!

Who will probably win if the past is any indication? Greg Gianforte

Who will win if people decide shooting TV sets is wrong?

Bear-Grandfather-Mtn-Tim-Floyd-779608BEAR FOR CONGRESS!!!!!! 

Sorry Mark!!

We’ll endorse you though, just cause we like the dog!

And Rob, play us a song, and well, we’ll vote for you!!!!

 

 

 

 

Advertisements

Me1

A LETTER TO WORLD LEADERS FROM A WANDERER – DEAR PRESIDENT TRUMP

Dear Mr. President,

It seems like every time I watch the news, I have to check to make sure it’s not on the History Channel and I’m not watching something on President Nixon (https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/onpolitics/2017/05/10/trump-nixon-and-watergate-same–different/101506662/), The Scandals of the Teapot Dome(http://www.politicalstorm.com/new-teapot-dome-scandal/  Butte, Montana, my hometown has a connection to this President Harding scandal of that time, strange but true!!!) or The Real Housewives of New Jersey!

I’m sitting here in Butte, Montana watching the news.

I know you call everything negative against you as “Fake news” but sometimes, I wonder how much is true when you fire the guy who was starting an investigation into your connections with the Russians, The Mafia and the Martians.

There seems to be a lot of connections, why is that?

I don’t believe everything I read in the media, like you being a vampire from Planet Nine or that you have sex with Russian prostitutes in abandoned mansions in Detroit, Michigan(Psst. Google properties for sale in Detroit – CHEAP!!!! Like really cheap, and no police or fire departments to come over and mess with your cocaine parties!!!

We’re talking like $15,000 for a four bedroom, three bath house.  WHAT A DEAL!!!!)

The only news I rely on is Fox News and okay, maybe CNN, MSNBC, The Huffington Post, KTVM here in Butte, WHAS 11 there in Louisville, Kentucky, Kathie Lee Gifford and okay, Ryan Seacrest.

You have to admit Ryan Seacrest is hawt.

Even though he doesn’t wear socks or shaves his arm pit hairs!!!

But some of these stories seem to have some truth in them and you just yelling about fake news through Twitter doesn’t give me too much confidence in your innocence.

Now, you are saying you MIGHT release your tax returns AFTER you leave the White House.

Isn’t that a broken campaign promise you made?

My Lefty Commie friends think so.

So do my Righty asshole friends.

I’m still on the fence.

Please Mr. President, tell me, you’re biggest fan since 1983, when I was only 12 years old but during those days of “Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous” I told my grandmother, “I wanna be like Donald Trump except with better hair!!!”, that you have nothing to hide!

Please!

I don’t want to believe them damn Commies on the Left that you, our glorious leader, is a no good lying cheating sack of donkey poo poo!

My grandmother hated you.

She threw darts at a picture of your face!

Well, you really can’t blame her.

She lost her job as a blackjack dealer when your casinos went bankrupt!!

Donald_Trump_official_portrait_(cropped)

“What a cod sucker!!” She growled as each dart pierced the facsimile of your face.

Well, she didn’t call you a cod sucker.

I can’t repeat what she called you in a “Family Friendly Blog!”

“I called him a cock sucker!!” Grandmother yells. “Tell him I’ll see him in Hell soon!”

Apparently, President Trump, Hell gets CNN and Fox News!!

Grandmother passed away in 2015 but she holds a grudge for a long time!!

Anyways, today is a nice day here in Butte, almost too nice to be in the house writing a letter to you on my blog, the one I don’t make a dime on but I figured I had to get some things off my chest!

I hope Vice President Pence is doing good.

I lived for many years in the lovely state of Indiana, in the beautiful town of New Albany, Indiana.

Senator Mitch McConnell of Kentucky shook my hand once.

“I hope I can count on your vote in the next election!”

He thought I was a Kentuckian.

Close.

New Albany is right across the mighty Ohio River from Louisville, Kentucky and might as well be part of Kentucky the way the governors and the rest of the Indiana politicians treat Southern Indiana.

We got to hear more about Kentucky politics than Indianapolis dealings.

But it was okay, we had hotter women.

Still do!!!

But I felt bad breaking Mitch’s heart when I told him, “I live in Indiana!”

He tried to joke it off.

“Oh in that case, vote for me three times!”

But I knew he was dead inside.

Politics and vampire hunting will do that to a person!

Anyways, I’m back in Montana, tell Ryan Zinke I say hello!

He never shook my hand but I can tell by his eyes he wants to!

I voted for the Democrat in the election for his old seat.

Tell Ryan I said, sorry, but Gianforte seems like a “codsucker” to me and we here in Montana no suck the cod.

We may suck the trout and the carp but, those are different!

Sorry Gianforte, but Rob Quist sings better and well, he shoots TVs better!!!

Okay, I think this letter is long enough,

Your friend,

J.A. Babbyroo
Butte, Montana

P.S.

My soap operas are on! Sorry, turned the channel off the news!!! See ya later!!!!

 

 

I’m not sure what the heck this blog will be about, but I decided, that well, I want to have a place to call my own, a new place, with plush green carpet, so soft, it’ll make you glad your butt’s still there.

So anyways, what will this blog be about?

I’m not sure yet.

It could be about plush green carpet and my butt.

If that sounds interesting to you, then, hello, welcome to my blog, won’t you step on in!

I sometimes like to write poetry and bad fiction and this might become the spot for such items to be posted in the hope that Google finds it and when people search for ‘Alien porn’, they’ll discover my blog, WANDERING WHERE I AM GOING!

A bear’s life indeed.

I’ve been told that I won’t gain any readers on WordPress, and well, if I don’t, then so be it, I do better when I think nobody is reading anyways.

See ya in the funny papers,

I’m out….