Posts Tagged ‘elections’

Every election season, I get that “Political Writer” bug that bites my ass and decide to jump into the waters with both feet.

I’ll admit I’m a Democrat from before some of you were even a dirty thought in your momma or poppas’ mind.

But as I grow older, I find myself leaning more of a middle of the road moderate who kinda likes some ideas from one side and the other.

I’d like to see someday a third party who would take the ideas of both sides and mix them into an awesome agenda, for the people, not for the Corporations who control the puppet strings!

Till then, I will mock both sides by writing my Midterms’ pieces I call WHO IS RUNNING FOR … (A sample of my latest works on a different blog can be found here —- https://noneoftheabovehorsepoo.blogspot.com/2018/10/who-da-hell-is-running-for-senator-for.html where I dissect the race for the governor of Missouri.)

I hit states mostly where I don’t live nor do I have a horse in the race, to make it kind of unbiased and mock I do.

I decided to write a piece for my WordPress readers, who mostly read me for my poems but I’m feeling kind of political tonight, so enjoy!!

Tonight’s post will be —-

WHO IS RUNNING FOR CONGRESS FOR THE GREAT STATE OF ALABAMA — DISTRICT 1?

Midterm Elections 2018 are here and Alabama’s 7 districts are looking for some folks to represent them up ON THE HILL.

Tonight, we feature District 1(because we start at the beginning and work our way down!! Actually, we’ll probably get bored and move onto posting recipes from our grandma’s cookbook, the one she got in 1928 when she married my gramps!! You like chocolate cake with cookie frosting don’t you? We all do!!!) in our blog series.

The 1st District is located in southwestern Alabama and includes Mobile, Baldwin, Escambia, Monroe and Washington counties and a portion of Clarke County.

Here are the candidates!!!

ROBERT KENNEDY JR.

Robert_Kennedy_Jr
(Democrat)
Website: http://www.kennedy4alabama.org/

WHAT ABOUT ROBERT?

Robert is a “Fiscally Responsible Democrat” which means he’ll not pass the bill onto you, the voter, from the yearly HOUSE VISIT TO THE STRIP CLUB — DOLLAR BEER NIGHTS!!!

Richard grew up in Prichard, Alabama and attended church.  He also went to school and later, was in the military where he killed Nazi Vampires in Japan.

We salute Richard in his service.

Nazi vampires are evil.

After serving our country with honor, Richard went to college where he majored in underwater basket weaving (seriously, we’re getting our information mixed up and are too lazy to go correct it!! Sorry!!!)

He holds a shit ton of degrees and honors.

WHY ROBERT?

Robert is about faith, honor, affordable health care, public education, fiscal responsibility, environmental stewardship (no burn down the trees till the owls are out!!), right to bear arms but responsibly but right to arm bears unimpeded! Right to privacy when it comes to abortions, and the right to vote.

We all about those things too.

Especially the right to arm bears!!!

NEWS ARTICLES WE DISCOVERED ABOUT THIS RACE:

WASHINGTONSept. 20, 2018 /PRNewswire/ — Robert F. Kennedy Jr., Chairman of Children’s Health Defense (CHD), and Rolf Hazlehurst, parent of a vaccine-injured child, petitioned the Department of Justice (DOJ) Office of Inspector General (OIG), and the Senate and House Judiciary Committees today to investigate actions taken by federal personnel during the “Vaccine Court” Omnibus Autism Proceedings (OAP).  source: https://www.prnewswire.com/news-releases/robert-f-kennedy-jr-demands-the-office-of-the-inspector-general-and-congress-investigate-department-of-justice-for-fraud-and-obstruction-of-justice-300716017.html

BRADLEY BYRNE (Incumbent)
Rep Byrne Official Portrait 2.25.14

(Republican)
Website: https://byrne.house.gov/

WHAT ABOUT BRADLEY?

Since we can’t find a “BRADLEY FOR CONGRESS SITE” we are having to use his House.gov site which doesn’t really give you a great idea of what about so we’ll create our own “About”.

note update – WE FOUND HIS “For Congress” Website — https://www.byrneforcongress.com/ Usually when searching for these things, you just have to type in the name and sometimes the state and bam, there’s the website but not old Bradley, had to add “For congress” to the mix as well!! Tricky!!!

He does have a “If you’re introducing Bradley at a hosted event speech, please use this sample!” but we think of this as more of a roast of our lovable uncle.

The uncle who use to give us candy if we sat on his lap.

PERV!!

Just kidding…..about the perv.

Bradley Byrne was born just a few miles from where his great-great-great grandfather, Gerald Byrne, settled in the 1780s (no, we’re not making this up! Go read!!)

Bradley went off to college, skipping high school all together and received his degree in law or underwater basket weaving, we’re not too sure and really don’t feel like going and Googling the real information.

Creating a politician’s profile is hard! Try it!! See? Difficult!!!

Byrne, like all great politicians, served Alabama as a cat herder, an chef at an Indian restaurant, and some other stuff we cannot mention on this family friendly blog.

Lets just say that Bradley did his time as a politician and move along.

Okay?

OKAY!!!

WHY BRADLEY?

Bradley is about shooting all illegal immigrants on sight!

And making them into soup to be served to our elementary school children.

President Donald Trump thinks that’s a good idea.

“Feeding school children is a good thing!!” Bradley said when we called to verify the record(we kid, our moms won’t allow us to use the phones except to call the time!)

Bradley is a “Fiscal Conservative” which means, Balance Budget baby!!

Bradley is all for state rights and limiting the federal government interference into those rights.

“Back off Feds!! Don’t tread on me!!” Bradley screamed at us while mom was away to her bridge game.

Bradley believes we should rebuild our local infrastructures.  We can’t really make fun of that, we believe in that too!!!

Bradley thinks national defense is awesome, we need more bombs to scare away the terrorists.

He also thinks we need to do more for the veterans.

Again, we cannot argue about the veterans section.  More $$$ to the Vets and their support programs.

Bradley supports traditional Alabama Values. We’re not sure what that means, possibly rock and roll and dancing.

We kid.

He loves Jesus and his AK-47!!!

Bradley think seniors should be supported in their old age.

Or made into soup too!!

Again, guns for everyone!! We HEART guns!!

NEWS STORY WE FOUND FEATURING BRADLEY – 

One of the things we pride ourselves on as Alabamians is taking care of each other. Not only should this mean we take care of those we know or our next-door neighbors, it should also mean taking care of all those throughout our region, especially those experiencing hardships.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, anywhere from 115 to nearly 200 Americans die every day from an opioid overdose. Last year alone, roughly 72,000 people died from this public health crisis. No community or group is exempt from the crisis. This is not a political issue. The opioid epidemic has been going on for far too long, and it is time that something be done about it. — Source: http://altoday.com/archives/26900-bradley-byrne-support-in-times-of-crisis

WHO WILL WIN?

According to the historical analyst of this district, there’s a good chance that Bradley Byrne will keep his seat and Mr. Kennedy will shake his fist in defeat.

But miracles could happen.

Don’t count Robert out.

No seriously, go ahead and count him out.

The last two elections in this district have gone Republicans and that seemingly isn’t going to change this midterm.

Unless a miracle happens, then, you can come back here to this blog on November 7th and go, NANER NANER, POO POO BUTT!! GUESS WHO WON? GUESS WHO WON?

So good night and have a better tomorrow!!

 

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2016 – the presidential election year that would go down in history as the biggest circus ever, mostly filled with clowns.

Hillary Clinton was suppose to win, according to polls, everyone was on board the train.

Donald Trump won.

I knew he would.

It wasn’t because I liked Mr. Trump and to be fair disclosure I voted for Hillary Clinton.

It was because he told the right people what they wanted to hear.

“Damn Mexicans! Build the wall!” Etc. Etc.

To the world who ask, no, he did not win the popular vote which yes I knows seems strange, trust me, I am confused too.

But I will also admit I do not like Hillary Clinton and in her run against Bernie Sanders to become the nominee, I voted Sanders.

Yes, my dear friends, I became “one of the sexist assholes” who did not join in line with the idea of our first woman president.

Not that I don’t want a female president, I think we as a country are way overdue in that field, I just didn’t and don’t want Hillary Clinton as president.

Why?

She, like all politicians, lie, cheats and steals.

This does not mean I wanted our first game show president to be Donald Trump.

He is our worse president ever and I doubt there could be another as bad as him.

It is possible that he could be our last due to the nuclear doomsday clock striking closer to midnight, that final countdown as portrayed in song.

Would we be in the same muck and mire if it was President Hillary Clinton?

Maybe.

Would she really act differently than Trump if the Russian hacks and bots had swung the votes to her?

We’ll never know.

Do I know without a doubt such meddling happened?

It’s highly likely but in that election year of 2016, it just seemed normal, like part of the process.

Not only the Russians but the DNC screwing the odds against another candidate but again “not proved!” screams the machine but if the tables had been turned, would they have screamed the same?

I do not know.

It just became the norm.

Welcome to the new order…..it doesn’t matter what you offer but how the TV ratings goes or how much the books sell.

Now I sit here, Trump screaming at NFL players using their freedoms of speech.

And Hillary calling me a sexist as she does her book tour interviews.

I feel shame.

A system I have loved since I was child is becoming a joke.

Both sides should be ashamed.

 

Me1

A LETTER TO WORLD LEADERS FROM A WANDERER – DEAR PRESIDENT TRUMP

Dear Mr. President,

It seems like every time I watch the news, I have to check to make sure it’s not on the History Channel and I’m not watching something on President Nixon (https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/onpolitics/2017/05/10/trump-nixon-and-watergate-same–different/101506662/), The Scandals of the Teapot Dome(http://www.politicalstorm.com/new-teapot-dome-scandal/  Butte, Montana, my hometown has a connection to this President Harding scandal of that time, strange but true!!!) or The Real Housewives of New Jersey!

I’m sitting here in Butte, Montana watching the news.

I know you call everything negative against you as “Fake news” but sometimes, I wonder how much is true when you fire the guy who was starting an investigation into your connections with the Russians, The Mafia and the Martians.

There seems to be a lot of connections, why is that?

I don’t believe everything I read in the media, like you being a vampire from Planet Nine or that you have sex with Russian prostitutes in abandoned mansions in Detroit, Michigan(Psst. Google properties for sale in Detroit – CHEAP!!!! Like really cheap, and no police or fire departments to come over and mess with your cocaine parties!!!

We’re talking like $15,000 for a four bedroom, three bath house.  WHAT A DEAL!!!!)

The only news I rely on is Fox News and okay, maybe CNN, MSNBC, The Huffington Post, KTVM here in Butte, WHAS 11 there in Louisville, Kentucky, Kathie Lee Gifford and okay, Ryan Seacrest.

You have to admit Ryan Seacrest is hawt.

Even though he doesn’t wear socks or shaves his arm pit hairs!!!

But some of these stories seem to have some truth in them and you just yelling about fake news through Twitter doesn’t give me too much confidence in your innocence.

Now, you are saying you MIGHT release your tax returns AFTER you leave the White House.

Isn’t that a broken campaign promise you made?

My Lefty Commie friends think so.

So do my Righty asshole friends.

I’m still on the fence.

Please Mr. President, tell me, you’re biggest fan since 1983, when I was only 12 years old but during those days of “Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous” I told my grandmother, “I wanna be like Donald Trump except with better hair!!!”, that you have nothing to hide!

Please!

I don’t want to believe them damn Commies on the Left that you, our glorious leader, is a no good lying cheating sack of donkey poo poo!

My grandmother hated you.

She threw darts at a picture of your face!

Well, you really can’t blame her.

She lost her job as a blackjack dealer when your casinos went bankrupt!!

Donald_Trump_official_portrait_(cropped)

“What a cod sucker!!” She growled as each dart pierced the facsimile of your face.

Well, she didn’t call you a cod sucker.

I can’t repeat what she called you in a “Family Friendly Blog!”

“I called him a cock sucker!!” Grandmother yells. “Tell him I’ll see him in Hell soon!”

Apparently, President Trump, Hell gets CNN and Fox News!!

Grandmother passed away in 2015 but she holds a grudge for a long time!!

Anyways, today is a nice day here in Butte, almost too nice to be in the house writing a letter to you on my blog, the one I don’t make a dime on but I figured I had to get some things off my chest!

I hope Vice President Pence is doing good.

I lived for many years in the lovely state of Indiana, in the beautiful town of New Albany, Indiana.

Senator Mitch McConnell of Kentucky shook my hand once.

“I hope I can count on your vote in the next election!”

He thought I was a Kentuckian.

Close.

New Albany is right across the mighty Ohio River from Louisville, Kentucky and might as well be part of Kentucky the way the governors and the rest of the Indiana politicians treat Southern Indiana.

We got to hear more about Kentucky politics than Indianapolis dealings.

But it was okay, we had hotter women.

Still do!!!

But I felt bad breaking Mitch’s heart when I told him, “I live in Indiana!”

He tried to joke it off.

“Oh in that case, vote for me three times!”

But I knew he was dead inside.

Politics and vampire hunting will do that to a person!

Anyways, I’m back in Montana, tell Ryan Zinke I say hello!

He never shook my hand but I can tell by his eyes he wants to!

I voted for the Democrat in the election for his old seat.

Tell Ryan I said, sorry, but Gianforte seems like a “codsucker” to me and we here in Montana no suck the cod.

We may suck the trout and the carp but, those are different!

Sorry Gianforte, but Rob Quist sings better and well, he shoots TVs better!!!

Okay, I think this letter is long enough,

Your friend,

J.A. Babbyroo
Butte, Montana

P.S.

My soap operas are on! Sorry, turned the channel off the news!!! See ya later!!!!