Every election season, I get that “Political Writer” bug that bites my ass and decide to jump into the waters with both feet.
I’ll admit I’m a Democrat from before some of you were even a dirty thought in your momma or poppas’ mind.
But as I grow older, I find myself leaning more of a middle of the road moderate who kinda likes some ideas from one side and the other.
I’d like to see someday a third party who would take the ideas of both sides and mix them into an awesome agenda, for the people, not for the Corporations who control the puppet strings!
Till then, I will mock both sides by writing my Midterms’ pieces I call WHO IS RUNNING FOR … (A sample of my latest works on a different blog can be found here —- https://noneoftheabovehorsepoo.blogspot.com/2018/10/who-da-hell-is-running-for-senator-for.html where I dissect the race for the governor of Missouri.)
I hit states mostly where I don’t live nor do I have a horse in the race, to make it kind of unbiased and mock I do.
I decided to write a piece for my WordPress readers, who mostly read me for my poems but I’m feeling kind of political tonight, so enjoy!!
Tonight’s post will be —-
WHO IS RUNNING FOR CONGRESS FOR THE GREAT STATE OF ALABAMA — DISTRICT 1?
Midterm Elections 2018 are here and Alabama’s 7 districts are looking for some folks to represent them up ON THE HILL.
Tonight, we feature District 1(because we start at the beginning and work our way down!! Actually, we’ll probably get bored and move onto posting recipes from our grandma’s cookbook, the one she got in 1928 when she married my gramps!! You like chocolate cake with cookie frosting don’t you? We all do!!!) in our blog series.
The 1st District is located in southwestern Alabama and includes Mobile, Baldwin, Escambia, Monroe and Washington counties and a portion of Clarke County.
Here are the candidates!!!
ROBERT KENNEDY JR.
(Democrat)
Website: http://www.kennedy4alabama.org/
WHAT ABOUT ROBERT?
Robert is a “Fiscally Responsible Democrat” which means he’ll not pass the bill onto you, the voter, from the yearly HOUSE VISIT TO THE STRIP CLUB — DOLLAR BEER NIGHTS!!!
Richard grew up in Prichard, Alabama and attended church. He also went to school and later, was in the military where he killed Nazi Vampires in Japan.
We salute Richard in his service.
Nazi vampires are evil.
After serving our country with honor, Richard went to college where he majored in underwater basket weaving (seriously, we’re getting our information mixed up and are too lazy to go correct it!! Sorry!!!)
He holds a shit ton of degrees and honors.
WHY ROBERT?
Robert is about faith, honor, affordable health care, public education, fiscal responsibility, environmental stewardship (no burn down the trees till the owls are out!!), right to bear arms but responsibly but right to arm bears unimpeded! Right to privacy when it comes to abortions, and the right to vote.
We all about those things too.
Especially the right to arm bears!!!
NEWS ARTICLES WE DISCOVERED ABOUT THIS RACE:
WASHINGTON, Sept. 20, 2018 /PRNewswire/ — Robert F. Kennedy Jr., Chairman of Children’s Health Defense (CHD), and Rolf Hazlehurst, parent of a vaccine-injured child, petitioned the Department of Justice (DOJ) Office of Inspector General (OIG), and the Senate and House Judiciary Committees today to investigate actions taken by federal personnel during the “Vaccine Court” Omnibus Autism Proceedings (OAP). source: https://www.prnewswire.com/news-releases/robert-f-kennedy-jr-demands-the-office-of-the-inspector-general-and-congress-investigate-department-of-justice-for-fraud-and-obstruction-of-justice-300716017.html
BRADLEY BYRNE (Incumbent)
(Republican)
Website: https://byrne.house.gov/
WHAT ABOUT BRADLEY?
Since we can’t find a “BRADLEY FOR CONGRESS SITE” we are having to use his House.gov site which doesn’t really give you a great idea of what about so we’ll create our own “About”.
note update – WE FOUND HIS “For Congress” Website — https://www.byrneforcongress.com/ Usually when searching for these things, you just have to type in the name and sometimes the state and bam, there’s the website but not old Bradley, had to add “For congress” to the mix as well!! Tricky!!!
He does have a “If you’re introducing Bradley at a hosted event speech, please use this sample!” but we think of this as more of a roast of our lovable uncle.
The uncle who use to give us candy if we sat on his lap.
PERV!!
Just kidding…..about the perv.
Bradley Byrne was born just a few miles from where his great-great-great grandfather, Gerald Byrne, settled in the 1780s (no, we’re not making this up! Go read!!)
Bradley went off to college, skipping high school all together and received his degree in law or underwater basket weaving, we’re not too sure and really don’t feel like going and Googling the real information.
Creating a politician’s profile is hard! Try it!! See? Difficult!!!
Byrne, like all great politicians, served Alabama as a cat herder, an chef at an Indian restaurant, and some other stuff we cannot mention on this family friendly blog.
Lets just say that Bradley did his time as a politician and move along.
Okay?
OKAY!!!
WHY BRADLEY?
Bradley is about shooting all illegal immigrants on sight!
And making them into soup to be served to our elementary school children.
President Donald Trump thinks that’s a good idea.
“Feeding school children is a good thing!!” Bradley said when we called to verify the record(we kid, our moms won’t allow us to use the phones except to call the time!)
Bradley is a “Fiscal Conservative” which means, Balance Budget baby!!
Bradley is all for state rights and limiting the federal government interference into those rights.
“Back off Feds!! Don’t tread on me!!” Bradley screamed at us while mom was away to her bridge game.
Bradley believes we should rebuild our local infrastructures. We can’t really make fun of that, we believe in that too!!!
Bradley thinks national defense is awesome, we need more bombs to scare away the terrorists.
He also thinks we need to do more for the veterans.
Again, we cannot argue about the veterans section. More $$$ to the Vets and their support programs.
Bradley supports traditional Alabama Values. We’re not sure what that means, possibly rock and roll and dancing.
We kid.
He loves Jesus and his AK-47!!!
Bradley think seniors should be supported in their old age.
Or made into soup too!!
Again, guns for everyone!! We HEART guns!!
NEWS STORY WE FOUND FEATURING BRADLEY –
One of the things we pride ourselves on as Alabamians is taking care of each other. Not only should this mean we take care of those we know or our next-door neighbors, it should also mean taking care of all those throughout our region, especially those experiencing hardships.
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, anywhere from 115 to nearly 200 Americans die every day from an opioid overdose. Last year alone, roughly 72,000 people died from this public health crisis. No community or group is exempt from the crisis. This is not a political issue. The opioid epidemic has been going on for far too long, and it is time that something be done about it. — Source: http://altoday.com/archives/26900-bradley-byrne-support-in-times-of-crisis
WHO WILL WIN?
According to the historical analyst of this district, there’s a good chance that Bradley Byrne will keep his seat and Mr. Kennedy will shake his fist in defeat.
But miracles could happen.
Don’t count Robert out.
No seriously, go ahead and count him out.
The last two elections in this district have gone Republicans and that seemingly isn’t going to change this midterm.
Unless a miracle happens, then, you can come back here to this blog on November 7th and go, NANER NANER, POO POO BUTT!! GUESS WHO WON? GUESS WHO WON?
So good night and have a better tomorrow!!
WANDERING WHERE I AM GOING! 