SHIT – Memories lost – A Poem

I am losing my mind.

I realize.

Not a good place, I know,
I might be high.

Slowly, at first,
Trying to remember,
Hold onto pieces,
A typewriter dinging,
Page end,
To become young once again.

That is the beginning of the piece,
The end I cannot see,
Possibly over this next hill.
Maybe,
Down this ravine?

Dreams,
Drift in,
Drift out,
Wandering pleasently through bogs of shi…
Can I say shit?
Should I say shit?

What is today’s date?

Are we leaving a good world?

Will anyone care when we leave this mortal plane?

Fire,
There on the mountain,
1989.
Or was it all a dream?
Was this life a dream?

Shit.

Maybe it was,
Maybe it is,
All a dream,
Wake up,
You dreaming fuck,
Fack,
Damn,
World explodes,
Dream,
Impossible things,
Is there a Heaven?
Hell is being trapped in this meat case,
Losing your mind,
One memory at a time,
Depressed to the point,
Realize,
But fade away again,
Into mindless wanderings,
Into darkness.

Insanity.

Shit.

Calm,
There before the storm,
Madness rage,
In peaceful pain,
A reminder,
To us,
That we still live.

Fathers tell their children lies,
It ain’t that great,
To grow old inside.

Moving past,
Imagery,
Mind,
Places we went,
Past lovers,
Now swept into graves.

What time is it?

Page.

A clean razor,
There in the sink,
Reminds us,
Should we shave?

Shit.

Place.

Time.

Who are you?

Who am I?

REALIZE!!

SEE!!

FLEE!!

I cannot run,
There is no forest,
Through the trees,
Can we go back,
To a time,
To hold your hand,
To kiss,
Lingering,
Somewhere,
A park,
In bloom,
Peace.

Shit!

Walking through a dream.

A nightmare possibly.

Trapped,
Mindful of that being,
But lost,
Memories will pass,
Not written down,
In fear,
That someone will read,
To discover,
That shame,
Buried in a bog,
Never to be known,
Except by those,
Chosen,
To read,
To love,
To hate,
To give up.

Shit!!

There, peace,
The nurse,
Walking down the hall,
She stops,
Comes in.
Hi.
Hello?
Good day,
Are you fine?

I don’t reply.

Why?

She sticks me.

Lies.

Dreamless sleep,
Calm,
For tonight,
To arise,
To not remember,
Clink.
Clink.
Down the hall.
Door slams.
Trapped inside,
This meat bag.
Wanting to cry,
But only laugh.

Shit.

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