Dear President Donald Trump

Posted: May 11, 2017 in LIFE AND STUFF, POLITICS
Tags: , , , , , ,

Me1

A LETTER TO WORLD LEADERS FROM A WANDERER – DEAR PRESIDENT TRUMP

Dear Mr. President,

It seems like every time I watch the news, I have to check to make sure it’s not on the History Channel and I’m not watching something on President Nixon (https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/onpolitics/2017/05/10/trump-nixon-and-watergate-same–different/101506662/), The Scandals of the Teapot Dome(http://www.politicalstorm.com/new-teapot-dome-scandal/  Butte, Montana, my hometown has a connection to this President Harding scandal of that time, strange but true!!!) or The Real Housewives of New Jersey!

I’m sitting here in Butte, Montana watching the news.

I know you call everything negative against you as “Fake news” but sometimes, I wonder how much is true when you fire the guy who was starting an investigation into your connections with the Russians, The Mafia and the Martians.

There seems to be a lot of connections, why is that?

I don’t believe everything I read in the media, like you being a vampire from Planet Nine or that you have sex with Russian prostitutes in abandoned mansions in Detroit, Michigan(Psst. Google properties for sale in Detroit – CHEAP!!!! Like really cheap, and no police or fire departments to come over and mess with your cocaine parties!!!

We’re talking like $15,000 for a four bedroom, three bath house.  WHAT A DEAL!!!!)

The only news I rely on is Fox News and okay, maybe CNN, MSNBC, The Huffington Post, KTVM here in Butte, WHAS 11 there in Louisville, Kentucky, Kathie Lee Gifford and okay, Ryan Seacrest.

You have to admit Ryan Seacrest is hawt.

Even though he doesn’t wear socks or shaves his arm pit hairs!!!

But some of these stories seem to have some truth in them and you just yelling about fake news through Twitter doesn’t give me too much confidence in your innocence.

Now, you are saying you MIGHT release your tax returns AFTER you leave the White House.

Isn’t that a broken campaign promise you made?

My Lefty Commie friends think so.

So do my Righty asshole friends.

I’m still on the fence.

Please Mr. President, tell me, you’re biggest fan since 1983, when I was only 12 years old but during those days of “Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous” I told my grandmother, “I wanna be like Donald Trump except with better hair!!!”, that you have nothing to hide!

Please!

I don’t want to believe them damn Commies on the Left that you, our glorious leader, is a no good lying cheating sack of donkey poo poo!

My grandmother hated you.

She threw darts at a picture of your face!

Well, you really can’t blame her.

She lost her job as a blackjack dealer when your casinos went bankrupt!!

Donald_Trump_official_portrait_(cropped)

“What a cod sucker!!” She growled as each dart pierced the facsimile of your face.

Well, she didn’t call you a cod sucker.

I can’t repeat what she called you in a “Family Friendly Blog!”

“I called him a cock sucker!!” Grandmother yells. “Tell him I’ll see him in Hell soon!”

Apparently, President Trump, Hell gets CNN and Fox News!!

Grandmother passed away in 2015 but she holds a grudge for a long time!!

Anyways, today is a nice day here in Butte, almost too nice to be in the house writing a letter to you on my blog, the one I don’t make a dime on but I figured I had to get some things off my chest!

I hope Vice President Pence is doing good.

I lived for many years in the lovely state of Indiana, in the beautiful town of New Albany, Indiana.

Senator Mitch McConnell of Kentucky shook my hand once.

“I hope I can count on your vote in the next election!”

He thought I was a Kentuckian.

Close.

New Albany is right across the mighty Ohio River from Louisville, Kentucky and might as well be part of Kentucky the way the governors and the rest of the Indiana politicians treat Southern Indiana.

We got to hear more about Kentucky politics than Indianapolis dealings.

But it was okay, we had hotter women.

Still do!!!

But I felt bad breaking Mitch’s heart when I told him, “I live in Indiana!”

He tried to joke it off.

“Oh in that case, vote for me three times!”

But I knew he was dead inside.

Politics and vampire hunting will do that to a person!

Anyways, I’m back in Montana, tell Ryan Zinke I say hello!

He never shook my hand but I can tell by his eyes he wants to!

I voted for the Democrat in the election for his old seat.

Tell Ryan I said, sorry, but Gianforte seems like a “codsucker” to me and we here in Montana no suck the cod.

We may suck the trout and the carp but, those are different!

Sorry Gianforte, but Rob Quist sings better and well, he shoots TVs better!!!

Okay, I think this letter is long enough,

Your friend,

J.A. Babbyroo
Butte, Montana

P.S.

My soap operas are on! Sorry, turned the channel off the news!!! See ya later!!!!

 

 

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