I have nowhere to go, and all the time to get there.

Posted: April 10, 2013 in Random stuff--read at your own risk!
Tags: , , , , ,

I sit here, a changed man, not better, not worst, just changed.

I see through the same eyes but I see differently, not sure why, I just do.

The mind keeps wandering, wanting to yell out loud, “I am alive you fool, use me!” but the words don’t come out right, they fall to the ground, gather dust at my feet, and I do nothing.

I am not sure which way to go, up seems down, down seems up, and in is out.

I am still not right, though, in truth, I never have been.

I want to scream but the voice is dead, the song of life is now silence.

Whispers in the wind speak to me, hello, are you alright?

I am fine, wonderful, great even, pinch me if this is a dream, I want to wake up, get up, stretch and continue my other life, this “dream” life I am living now isn’t that great, isn’t right.

“What are you going to do?”

I thought about jumping on a train heading to nowhere.

I have nowhere to go, and all the time to get there.

The fortunes to be sought are never found as easily as they should be. Wanderings always happen with one step at the beginning followed by a million and even after that, it continues on without you.

There’s a place, there’s a stop, there’s a nap, end of the play? Not quite yet.

Midnight at the bar, the drinks go down not as easily, come back up, spray the universe in rum.  Bar flies dying from over active bladders exploding into time and space and this, my fellow travelers, is where the story becomes insane.

The universe, expansive, infinite, finite, whatever, growing outside, inside, all around us, inside of us, through us, by us, keeps us pounding, keeps us driving, keeps us moving, why? God, why?

I gave up a mile back, there wasn’t a reason, just sat down and didn’t stand back up.  I wish I could, I wish I would, but the road is not my friend this night, I wish to lay here and sleep till the sun arises and bathes me in its light, embraces me with its heat, kills me as I sleep, burns me as I slumber, never to awake, infinite, finite, whatever, wherever, I give up.

“What can I do?”

Nothing.  Keep moving, left, right, forward march, keep your eyes to the horizon, never look back, remember the Alamo, I think, I guess, I want to say, or maybe it’s the Maine, I forget, never forget, oppress the oppress-able, give not one cent to those who cannot earn a dime.

I stand, one last stand, this is it, moving forward, upward, backward, down town, up town, music playing, Jesus singing, old man writing, holy scripture, nineteen eighty four, they are watching, they are seeing .

Life is but a dream,
As crazy as it may seem,
It is amazingly obscene.

Today I awoke to the sound of my own heart,
Alive.
I was alive.

I reached out to humanity,
Then pulled away,
As I was afraid to live, 
To feel.

Life is but a dream,

Crazy, it would seem,
Amazingly obscene, it is!

Life is crazy,
It would amazingly seem,
It is obscene!

 

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