25 things, maybe more, maybe less, who the hell knows, I’ve learned just in the last few days by packing my stuff up and filling up trash bags with, treasures to be found by a new owner of my house….

Posted: September 24, 2012 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

I hate moving, even under the best of circumstances.

I did it a lot during my childhood, here, there, across town, to another state, all around the mulberry bush, and it never got fun.

“We’ll make a game of it!” my mom would say.  “We put the stuff in the box, boom!”

“The hell you say?!”

Of course, even playing ‘Commander Wilco moves to Mars’ isn’t making the effort go any faster.

I’m a pack rat, like my dad, and his dad before him, there’s “treasures” buried in crannies and nooks I didn’t even know I had.

The living room is almost done, clear a couple of end tables and a cupboard, and the piano but it’s all small stuff.

Of course, the one nice thing about this particular move, I’m finding new spots to hide the treasures I could give two crap about.

“Who knew there was this secret panel in the wall leading to an underground bomb shelter!!!”

(No, not really. But wouldn’t that be awesome!?)

Where does all the stuff come from?

Anyways, I’m taking a break, possibly for the night, as I want to be fresh and wide awake for tomorrow’s job interview.test for a part time seasonal job as Extreme Fighting Champion Fighter!

(Again, not really. But god, wouldn’t that be awesome?!)

And decided this would be a perfect time to write down some of the stuff I’ve learned from these last few days of throwing crap into a box.

  1. Moving blows.  Especially extreme crash, your mom’s not here to motivate you kind of moves.
  2. Dust bunnies. Where the hell have they been hiding? Behind the cabinets, I got it.  Behind the cabinet is a good place to hide, till I have to move it, then, well, EWWWWW
  3. Moving can be a game, I AM COMMANDER WILCO AND WE WILL MAKE IT TO MARS!
  4. Something about possibly damaged ribs and sneezing.  Oh mama, does that f*cking hurt!
  5. When in doubt, throw it outside on the lawn and let the neighbors fight for it.
  6. Where did these sex dolls come from? Packages unopened!
  7. So that’s where that candy bar went!
  8. One box of tissues + a bottle of soda pop reproduces into millions of bottles of empty soda bottles!
  9. I sure do like to write poetry and fan fiction.
  10. So that’s where the carpet cleaner went.  I was trying to find it to clean the carpet!
  11. Clean the carpet? HAHAHAHAHA!
  12. That would make an awesome name for a porno. “Hey babeeeee, I’m here to clean the carpet!” ~insert porn music here~
  13. Right now, I have no interest in politics. God my ribs hurt.  So if Mitt or the Prez read this, BITE ME!!!! I don’t wanna eat dinner with you, I don’t wanna cruise Ohio with you, and I sure the hell don’t want to give you $50 unless you’re going to give me a blow job! What? I don’t know.
  14. Dust bunnies get really mean when you disturb their home behind the TV cabinet.
  15. My wife is a teddy bear collector, oh god, is she!
  16. Though, if I have to, I would grab them bags of teddy bears for warmth and they soft, be nice to sleep in the dumpster I’ll be living in.
  17. Sometimes, when you’re by yourself, packing stuff, thoughts can turn to murder, murder, kill, kill, death.
  18. My inner song writer likes to come out while I’m sitting on the floor.
  19. And on the ladder.
  20. And in the car.
  21. Damn you inner song writer, sell some of those things!
  22. When in doubt, scream.
  23. Really loud.
  24. Never ever french kiss your sister. Why? I don’t know, apparently it’s a sin. Or against the law. Unless you in Kentucky, then, go ahead!
  25. Real good coffee.  Not Starbucks.  Notice I said, “real good coffee” not ‘We burnt it, but you think we does it on purpose! Suckers!’

I really miss my ‘really good coffee shop’, one of those local places, the kind of places where artists display their work, jazz players play and everyone gathers to talk about the local scene.

I could use a real good coffee!

 

 

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