When you think the world is your oyster,
It is not!
Just when you think you got it all figured out,
You really don’t!
The rules get changed,
The lights go out,
Sitting in the dark,
Wondering where it all went wrong!
Hundred miles an hour,
Stopped by a wall,
Dead in your tracks.

America by Allen Ginsberg

You followed the rules,
Did what was right,
What you thought was right,
But found out,
You just ain’t right!

Sitting on the rail road tracks,
Waiting for the 12:35 to come through,
It is half past two.

Train hasn’t been through,
Since, 1952!
Tracks,
Like you,
Abandoned,
Decaying,
Ready to be pulled up,
But still there,
A monument to what was,
But shall never be again.

Words of advice?
None here,
None there,
Go West?
Go here?
Where is here?
Lost?
Boss?
Hear the words,
From that promised land,
Give up,
It’s all a recording,
Made in 1973!

Advertisements
February 20th, 2019 — Dear Mom, I think I blew up the world!

Note to a reader: Don’t ask for an explanation, it cannot be explain, only written, as it happens, sitting here at 2 in the morning, listening to Tom Waits – Hell Broke Luce – and sitting alone inside my mind, trying to figure out that thing called life.

Hell is not knowing, what lies over that long high hill, not to be able to see over into the next valley, so here I sit, and I write, randomly, with no purpose except to let thoughts pour out of my mind and onto the screen, so you, the reader, may read, I may read, to think, what does it all mean?

Wandering through a mind field

Explanations are not forthcoming, they probably will never be, because, right now, I have no idea, and when it comes time, I won’t remember except to say, I don’t know, I don’t care, lets go get ice cream!

So for now, I will just say, I’m in a weird place, a place that cannot be explained, no psychologist will be able to analyze, to say, “I know what his problem is! Here’s a pill!! Take two every day and call me in 30 days!!”

…And he shall ride a dark horse into that field…

Oh brothers and sisters, I wish there was such a pill, something to keep the demons at bay, but sadly, none exist. They say they can help, put you in a nice room, and fill you up with chemicals, to stimulate the brain, to put me into a better mood but…it just hides those demons, in a box, tied with a bow, then left in an airless room, but somehow, they live, they break out, even bigger than before…

Silence in the storm,
Reaching out for warmth,
The fire spirals into that night,
Colliding with that world,
The silence,
Inside my mind,
Screaming,
Echoing through the madness,
Blindly running through the streets,
Midnight hour ringing out,
The creatures, dancing in delight, coughing sickly in the mist.

Silence in the morning,
A dream,
A hell,
Broke loose,
Sweet misery,
Digging ditches,
In the middle of holes,
How many ways can you polish up a turd?
How many nightmares can bomb the end of a truce?
Dead inside,
Left,
Into the middle,
Right,
Back to the Left,
Left my body,
With my mind,
In the middle of a good home,
Can’t go back home again,
So the story goes,
Where the wind wipes away,
Those foot prints,
Left,
Right,
Down into the misery,
Lost my face,
Lost my mind,
Bombs bursting in the air,
Rancid meals,
In the soap,
With rope,
The Pope hopes.

Dreams,
Red light over a darkened sky,
A rip in time,
A drift in space,
Flipping through the channels, 3:45 in the morning,
I’m broke,
From the neck up,
The mind is a wasteland,
Copulation of misery,
Insanity,
Breathing,
Right,
Left,
I had,
Something,
A big bomb,
Falling,
Drifting into the ground,
Twirling into beautiful horror,
Death that becomes life,
A bright sun,
The darkness of Hell broken,
A truth,
Birth, reborn, to the choirs of Angels,
In Heaven’s name,
We are cursed,
Clawing out our eyes,
To relieve our selves,
The pain,
Blistering through our minds.

The body bags,
Are left too full,
March,
Forward,
Left,
Right,
Present arms,
Ain’t no bullets,
Too damn broke,
Loose, lose, Fever,
Not breaking,
The ceiling opens up,
What the hell?
Give them all a beautiful parade,
And say hurrah!!!

Do right,
Say left,
Walk into the road,
Say hurrah when you pass the magical parade,
Left, right,
Hey!
Hey!
Stop,
The madness is here,
Wipe our forehead with a dirty cloth,
Pissed on, pissed off,
Hurrah!
Deaf, screaming into the silence,
Blind, staring into the darkness,
A dream?

There is nowhere else,
I wish I could be,
A river flowing free,
Silence in the night,
A whisper in the wind,
A thousand lights,
A thousand years away.

Good night,
Oh fair one,
My beautiful one,
May we see each other,
Once more,
Before the night is gone.

To sleep,
In your embrace,
One last time,
To feel your kiss upon my lips
To hear you utter my name,
One last time,
Someday,
Someday,
To listen to the wind,
Choir to our ears,
To feel that warmth,
To say,
To say again,
One more time,
Good night.

Killers in the night,
Silence in the wind,
Blowing through the mind,
A whistling in the heat,
Into this world,
We are thrown,
A poetry of misery,
An ode to misfortune demises,
Sliding,
Slowly,
Slowly into the abyss,
Memories,
Charade,
Demons dressed in gold,
A solid promise
Not kept,
Struggling through that deep good night,
A bother of life,
Stuck in the mud,
Weeping in the rain,
To wash away the tears,
To see,
To hear,
To feel,
What is that noise?
Deep there in the forest,
Ravage,
Animals clawing through the brain,
Ripping those memories,
To shred?
No, they are still there,
With you,
Clawing through your eyes,
A painful trip,
Lies.
Dreams terrorizing,
Figures in the shadows,
Deeply traumatized.

Wisdom,
Lost,
Riders,
Falling from their mounts,
The storm rumbles through the midnight hour,
Capitalized,
Forgotten, time elapses,
Deep darkness enveloping me,
To see?
Hear that?
Wind blowing,
A dog howling,
This,
Is,
THE END!

Sometimes, WordPress just knows I need a little push in the right direction in what I need to write about.

Today’s “suggestions” are motivating and monkeys.

Can I motivate a monkey?

I’m thinking not.

I can barely motivate myself into doing something productive.

I could try writing a hot poem, something nice and classy, such as:

Do dare not,
Bury me,
Into that sweet good night sleep,
Forever lost,
To the ages,
To the masses,
To the drunkards on 85th street,
Ties blown into mud puddles,
Drifters high on chemical residues,
Paid their dues,
Buses heading,
Home,
Two thousand miles,
Alone,
Drifting asleep,
To dream,
Worship at that altar,
To care,
No longer about,
Any or all?

Dream,
Oh Angel,
To dream of cosmic places,
Lost,
Gain,
High on life,
Dry martinis,
Colonize,
55 and Elm,
Dropped off,
By the bridge,
Trapped on city streets,
No where to go,
But up!
UP!
Forever up!!!

To see you in my eyes – a poem

Posted: February 10, 2019 in Uncategorized

I love you more than life itself,
I want to hold you,
Waiting for you,
To kiss you,
To see your belly swell,
To make you my,
To see you in my eyes!!

You are my everything,
Now that I found you,
I can’t you let you go,
You are the one!!!

02/8/2019 — Louisville, Kentucky

Dear K-Mart,

You apparently, along with Sears, have been brought out of bankruptcy, saved by that white knight in rusted armor, Eddie Lampert.

I do not know whether to celebrate, cry, or go eat cookies.

I know it will save jobs but will it truly save you?

For me, in this world of brick and mortar, you have gone away, sold off, closed to pay off billions in debt, sacrificed on the altar of greed by men in slick back hair and pinstripe suits.

Yes, I know your answer to me, will be, I can go to Kmart.com and order my items there, just like I can go to walmart.com and buy sodas, but, it’s just not the same.

The interaction between people is gone, that’s what made you the best.

Getting chased out of the store by the store manager as I strolled drunkenly through the store trying on dresses at random, not even bothering with a dressing room, these experiences cannot be repeated online!!

The Blue Light is not the same on the web, it’s there, on YouTube, Radio Kmart, which use to blare over head in the store, is also on YouTube but it’s not the same.

I worked for two Kmarts in my career in the retail wars.

My first time was the store in New Albany, Indiana; Grant Line.

I was part of the team that converted the store from a Little K into Big K in the summer of 1998.

We were proud of that store; but I didn’t continue on after the expansion was done, deciding to go work for the mob in their IT department for a casino in Indiana.

I cried like a baby when I heard that my store, it was always my store, had been shut down.

Strangely, I was working at a Kmart in Montana when I got the news.

My second store was in Butte, Montana.

I’ll admit, I screwed the pooch bad and was fired from there, but I still cried when I heard that store was closing in 2018.

I thought Kmart would always be there.

It had always been there for me.

That harbor in the storm; a place I could fall back on, I met friends who I consider family, from my time at Kmart.

Friends who were still working hard for you, my Kmart, even when the doors shut for that last time.

Even a few years ago, if you had told me that Kmart or Toys R Us would have closed forever, death by bankruptcy, I would have laughed.

Giants like that don’t die from mismanagement or such things, they might stumble, lean back a bit, and regroup but never closed.

But closed you did.

I guess the old song is true; you can’t go home again!

You and TRU should be a warning sign to other companies; you can die horrible deaths, you’re not immortal giants, a crack in your base can bring the mighty tower down!!

Kmart; I know you’re just a corporate entity, no heart, no soul, and I know years down the road, no one will go, “Lets go to Kmart…” then pause and remember, Kmart is no more, but I will, I will never forget you.

I should say good luck, to that future, where you will survive, mostly as an online entity; and a few stores of brick and mortar, tucked away in Bumsville, Alabama or Cuba or wherever they keep the lights on, and I will; Good luck Kmart….

Into the future you go!

Signed,

Your friend,

Me

Retroactive violations.

We stood in the doorway, looking out over that humanity that gathered upon our front lawn, waiting for Jesus or Hank Aaron or who knows.

There, senile ways, drifted through madness, looking for hits, diseases, trollops in short skirts, looking through garbage left by humanity, cast offs.

We did not know the ramifications of our actions then, we just stood there, raising a fist into the sky, defiant, a slip of paper falling to the ground, a warning from God, if such a thing existed.

Masters of the world fell from the grace of those eyes of God, to wallow in the pits of mire, muck, anal refuse, piss and gore, the blood of the animals drifted away into the night, humanity’s lost children danced in the night, lit by the fires blazed throughout the streets of this waste of a city.

The sign read ‘Welcome to…’ the rest fallen off, turned to dust and blown away into the night by the winds of change.

Two men sat huddled against the wall, each shooting up, what, I had no idea, but I swept by them, pushing my way through the door, into a nightmare.

I would not discover the truth but only another reality, a new dimension, a club outside the realm of normal humanity; dancers on fire, women craving a hit of love, that ultimate drug some never find throughout their life, only an illusion of sin, lust, a quick fuck.

I sat down near the back of the club, my usual drink of puss and gin, the girl, Sally, an image of my high school sweet heart, in virtual memory, set to repeat.

“I….love…..you!”

I smiled and felt the coldness of the glass, I felt the love from this memory, three years before we broke up.

I sat there; the drugs tossed into my drink as an extra boost slammed into my neural pathways, visions of Sally dancing naked on the dance floor.

“Pain for sale!” some bobbed hair girl called out. “Pain 50 credits! You want pain sir?”

I shook my head.

I had felt pain, I wanted nothing to do with that feeling again, I ordered two more lust with a touch of love, something to keep me smiling, there, that place, an oasis in the middle of Hell.

The music continued to play, harder and faster, there in the corner, a young teen lad overdosed on lust, his mind exploding inside itself, too many memories, rejection by the cosmos, tilting into a maniac laughter, to be slaughtered, to be left to rot, living corpses there, insanity!

I drifted off into a silent catatonic state, the woman of my dreams still dancing away…

END_PROGRAM.

REPEAT?